I sat through a pile of old toss last night by M Night Shirley-Harman called Signs.
Now, I'm no planner of world domination invasion plans, but it seems a bit daft to invade a planet that's primarily made up of water, if you dissolve if someone so much as gobs on you.
And if you're going to invade, and abduct millions of people, surely you don't want to advertise your presence by carving charts directing you to a rallying point in the corn!
Let alone poncing about over Nevada skies!
Now, if I was an extra-testicle beastie, I'd move in on Earth dead quiet like and in secret. If I fancied a snack, I'd suck up humans via a tractor beam, eaving no evidence. And I'd zap the earth from above before landing, to ensure no resistance.
I'd draw the line at nobbing hillbillies though!
That's what I can't fathom about these abductees. They're always in some remote area when they get pinched, and then subjected to anal probes or forced to shag venusian trollops like some interstellar brothel.
"Hey Pa, I wuz tekken up into a bright light, an' this thin alien with big eyes made me hump a martian".
"Damn, Cletus, that wuz yer sister with a torch, and that ain't no martian, that be a piggy"
I reckon Ford Prefect got it right. These galactic gormsters are just posh kids having a larf. Although why they abduct some grizzled, gap toothed, dungaree wearing, bare-footed, straw chewing yokel for sexual experimentation beats me! Perhaps there's some galaxian attraction to that type of subject.
Maybe up on Saturn there's an alien equivalent to Nuts/Zoo magazines. This week: Where on Earth?! Top 10 remote places to abduct a human! Moob special - trailer trash bares all! My wild night of passion with Billy-Bob Junior - now I'm having his alien baby!
Wait a minute... what's that hovering outside me window...
Yaaarrrgghh... they got meeeeeeeee.....
