In Norwich, we have Puppet Man and Charlie Chaplin.
Well, we did until this weekend, since when we have been infested with some trumpeteers trumpeting on their trumpets, honking out the Admiral Insurance pop hit1:
♪ Go direct, Jack,
Multicar can save you more, save more!
Go direct, Jack,
Multicar can save you more! ♫
Multicar? Gimme Leeloo with a Multipass! I could stand to sit outside Primarché all day ogling her in her skimpy bits of bandaging blowing on a pink oboe...
Anyhoo, where we have men painted grey standing motionless (occasionally twirling a cane or tipping his hat), Birmingham has much more terrifying terrors.
Predator!
Predator, lurking about the City like in Predator 2... well, the Bullring Shopping Centre. Hunting with his predatory axe, prowling for prey.
Or is it Dillon? He ain't cut his cheek with a razor and isn't all baldy and gay for Jesse "The Arsechin" Ventura like Mac. Dis bredren has probably some seen some bad-ass bush before, so yeah, Dillon it is!
And as Birmingham's not as tropically hot as the Amazonial Jungles, he's had to put a jacket on over his oiled biceps.
Not even the lack of the M134 General Electric Minigun (7.62mm, full clip capacity of 5793 rounds-per-minute, 7.62 x 51 shells, 1.36kg recoil adaptors, muzzle velocity of 869m/s - the huge amazing rotary machine gun like what Blaine had in Predator) daunts him and puts him off taking down the trophy taking terrorist from beyonde ye starres.
So, as the Predator looms over some poor underage girl with his oversized chopper like some 70s sex-starved superstar², Dillon comes to the rescue!
Not even pausing to daub himself in mud, with a whisper of "I guess I picked up some bad habits from you, now get your people the hell out of here!" he circled the Alien Beastie, and in true hero fashion dives on it from behind.
WHAM! Just before Predator delivers the Killing Stroke, Dillon has it on the ground. And learning from past experience, has it away on his toes before he gets his other arm blown off.
As the victor fled the battle, he shouted out "Wagwan", which some commentators believe to a war cry of "What's Going On?". The fools. That was a hit by hippy popster Pretties 4 Hot Non-Blondes. "Wagwan" is actually Deep Cover Expendable Code for "Go! Go on, go! Get to ze chopper!"
Or something of Betty Boo's I would very much like to check out. :
♪ Checkin' out mah Wagwan, wagwan, wagwan
checkin' out mah foof, foof, foof
checkin' out mah Wagwan, wagwan, wagwan
checkin' out mah mammaries, mah mammaries, mah mammaries ♫
checkin' out mah foof, foof, foof
checkin' out mah Wagwan, wagwan, wagwan
checkin' out mah mammaries, mah mammaries, mah mammaries ♫
Unfortunately for our Black Ops Special Secret Services Saving Us From Space Monsters Who Prey On Our Children And Abduct Them To Nick Off With Their Spinal Column And Skull, assaulting Alien Visitors is bad for intergalactic tourism. As well as being extraterrestrialy racist.
So he's been labelled a thug, and the rozzers want to bring him to justice. The rotters.
1 LATER REWORKED BY PERCY MAYFIELD AND RE-RECORDED BY ART RUPE, BEFORE BEING RE-RE-RECORDED BY MARGIE HENDRICKS (MOTHER OF LANCE) WITH RAY CHARLES SERVING AS HER 12 INCH PIANIST. OR SOMETHING.
² WHAT WAS THAT POPTASTIC HIT AGAIN? OH YEAH - IT WERE THE CHEMICAL [KNOWN AS CHLOROFORM] BROTHERS
♫ NOW THEN LITTLE GIRL
NOW THEN LITTLE BOY
NOW THEN LITTLE BOY
SEVENTIES SUPERSTAR DJs
THEY'RE PÆDOS! ♫
(in some cases. allegedly)
