Whilst purchasing bovidæ udderescent products for the lightening & flavouring of highly temperatured caffiene based beverages, I came across a strange notice in the market of superyness.
It seems that in the interests of High Jean, top based apparel must be draped over the upper portion of the body, thus preventing fragrant pitsweat from scenting the aisles, and men gawping at the upper protuberances of Pretties instead of filling their baskets (oo-er missus!).
However, nothing is mentioned about encasing your lower limbs in swathes of silken shorts, skirts, trews or even pantaloons!
I can only assume that it's because of this oversight that such blatant baring of the undercarriage is what prompts them self service machines to constant proclaim "Unexpected item in the teabagging area" as flange, scrotæ and limp loinsnakes brush against the pressure pads.
Then again, the inability to put on undercrackers to conceal one's pubic parts from the public's hearts is no surprise if your dumb enough to use one of these machines in the first place, when there is a cashier paid to scan your items, bag them up, and process your payment.
It's not even quicker! It doesn't matter how long the queue for the buxom serving wench is, but it always beats anyone using the machine. Probably because the hummous and taramarsalata olive panini wrap in balsamic vinegar ain't on the system, and has to wait while the porcine troll (who's not pretty enough to be on the tills) is led out on it's lead, to swipe a card on the machine and press the Void button.
Now, because The Election had a three way tie, we have no properly elected Government. With no mandate to govern, CamelEgg wants us to have a Pig Society, where we volunteer to do the Government's job for them. For free!
And so these supermarkets are embracing that. Why employ zit faced ugly students, when you can sack them, and install machines where The Public can do the cashiers job instead. For free! The students can then go back to pole-dancing at spearmint wino where they belong, instead of sponging off benefits.
If you're using a self-service checkout, you're not a customer - for five minutes you're a temp for the company, working on a voluntary basis! Not to mention the irony of staff who use the self service on their lunch break - not only working on the tills all day, they're working in their free time for free!
I could understand it if you got a discount, for doing the tillsfolks job - but you don't. You pay the same whilst doing the cashier out of a job, thus forcing them to go on the game by managers who want to be "on the job" doing the cashiers!
