They saw the whole of my moon...

Well, I would bore you on more synchronicity of location based happenstance, or the curious case of the cute caterer, but all that pales into insignificance with the latest escapade...

...abduction by bumrapey monsters from outer space!

Possibly.

See, the Alarum went of this fair morrow at the usual time. Not a problem so far.

Washy washy, clothe up, check the time - 6:51... hold on... the VCR is 5 mins behind the tellybox! Where's me chronograph? Ah, now, let's see. OK, the VCR has lost time. Go off the telly & watch, and hit the road!

Travelly travelly... hmmm... I hit the Magdalen Street Circulatory System and it's a tad busier than usual. Bugger it - just because it's slightly spitting a teensy bit of drizzle, everyone has to get into their car and drive!

So, crawl up Grapes Hill... oooh, THAT'S why it's all slow - paramedics, broken buses all buggering up St Stephens Roustabout!

Get's past that... bit of a queue for the car park this morning...

Hold up... there's loads of cars here! There's only every 3 or 4!

*checks watch*

WTF - 8:17? I'm an hour and 10 minutes later than usual! Timestorm - I've somehow lost over an hour without realising it!

It's Betty And Barney Mound-Of-Rubble all over again! Missing Time = Anal Probeage and mindwipe so you don't remember the horror of being inseminated by randy Space Monsters on a Club Eighteenterrestrial-To-Millenia holiday for Space, Solar Seas, and Sex with earth women. And blokes. Because they'll shag anything, them space monsters with their breeding program.

Even cattle, coz they have to core out their bungholes and quims so we don't find Alien Spunks.

That said, I think I was caught lucky during my Lost Time, for I arrived with an unsore bot. However, I do have a bit of a sore throat.

Which means although they thankfully saved my posterior from forced entry, I probably got throatraped, and am now harbouring one of them their Xenomorphs in my belly.

Xenomorphs! Terracotta plasticine stop-motion extratesticles, biting through my belly then rampaging across the Earth with double claymation extracting double jaws!

There was always something a bit dodge about Chas, being all white plasticine... I reckon it was one of them white Greybeard lab coats, and he engineered it all! Why couldn't he engineer Xenamorphs? Creatures that somehow morph into scantily clad Warrior Princesses, high kicking in short skirts, skimpy pants, leather boots and battle-y unsuitable bikini-tops covered in silver.

But noooooo - I has to be abducted by Dreamcatchin' Mr Grey and his shit weasel (and by shit weasel, I mean hairy brown eye poker, as in cock. perhaps)... Oh no... I mean.. .OH MY!

"A cracking tome! It had me on the edge of my seat... mainly because the alien rectal examination of my own Black Hole had spoilt my botty, so I couldn't sit down properly for a week. Perching on the edge was my only relief." ~ Toadface Harsh on page 3 of The Daily Jugs

"Totes Amazeballs! This is so representitive of our readers experiences! BUY NOW and savour the delights of hentai tentacle reproduction methods from outer space" ~ Jordan Titwank in The Sunday Spurt

On the other hand... I suppose I could have turned the alarm off, fell asleep for an extra hour, and misread 7:51 as 6:51... but that seems rather unlikely to me...

It's boats I'm talkin' Billybob (II)...

Finally!

After all the hassle of Grope-on, and being pissed about with scheduling, we FINALLY gets to got speedbootin' off lowestahhhhft pier!

Thrills! Excitement! A veritable orgasmatron of speed o'er the waves!

Especially belted up in Christian Grey bondage strappy stuff. All belts, buckles, crotch buckles (lifejackets).

Oh my!

And then, the theftage by winds of my feathery earpiece! Lost forever :(

Not so! A handy ninja on the back of the speedboat snatched it out of the air at the speed of lightning! A deft retrieval from the skies of one of my iconic signatures, and I'm whole again! Even Ithaqua, the Walker on the Winds, passing through the Icy Wastes of Lowestoft can't thieve off with my look!

Ha! Take that deity from Beyond the Spheres!!

So, after a hot, sunny voyage upon ye high seas (arrrrr!) and finding Fanny Merkin in WH Smith, it's off for a BBQ in the sweltering heat!

And, naturally, soon as we get to the venue, up open the heavens. Clearly, Ithaqua, in a pique of Jealousy, has nipped over to his mate Tlaloc's house and asked him to whip up a drenching of the Xym. Just because I have a fab earring!!

And so we're huddled in a tiny hut, with waterlogged burgers, soggy sausage and flooded chicken whilst being assaulted with Hentai tentacles.

Well, 60 metre straws.

Or something.

But how to occupy your time during a deluge?

Allow yourself to be pasted in glitter and copydex.

And by copydex, for once I actually do mean copydex, and not jizz!

And, naturally, as soon as the BBQ is over... Ithaqua gives Tlaloc a nudge, who stops wringing out his bath sponge and kicks Ra out of bed and get him to turn his torch on and put the thermostat up.

Which makes a change from a Rampant Rabbit I guess.

Which explains why it's been so cold. Too busy putting up the penii, rather than putting up the thermostat and getting it a bit warmer!

And then back to Costessey for prevention of ogling the Beach Volleyball, a sneaky perve at the TNA womens lezz-up wrestling whilst the Ladies wrap themselves in Spongebob duvets and throw themselves down the stairs in despair at the impossibility of acquiring 2 olympic tickets within the 4 minute allotted window.

Eventually, I trudge back home to watch the grand prix! 00:30? Ah - I can watch Cloverfield rip-off Monster on Sy-fy till it starts and then zzzzzzzzzzz...

...zzzzzzzz....

...wuzzat, eh, whut... oh, bugger! Fell asleep and woked up just as the Grand Prix credits roll...

Calling, Xymternational rescue (II)...

Hurrah for The Xym!

Once more, everyone's favourite Chivalrous Knight In Shining Armour stepped in to deal with ye treacherous knave who wouldst take wanton advantage of Princesses unable to fend of their over-amorous intentions!

For as we stand in The WhatACunt, some glassy-eyed outlaw did lay his hands upon My Princess, and from all appearances was trying to Force His Intent upon her person!

After stepping in to check whether mine Maiden was in distress, my fellow Knight, Sir John led her aside, whilst the do-er of ill-doings staggered about, stamping on other Pretties appendages and lumbering forth as if to press his suit further!

But, then arose Sir Xym, who valiantly vanquished the vicious varmint by verbose voice, engaging the drugged up dullard in disparaging discourse to advise the uncouth rapscallion to make himself scarce.

And being a being a peaceful Knight of gentlemanly conduct, The Commanding Voice Of Sir Xym alone was sufficient (with limited directional pointage) to hasten the Squire Of Ill-Repute on his way. And thusly, the craven dog was sent, suitably chastened, cowering into the night, probably not having learned much from his gentle instruction.

And neither doth The Xym learn either!

For far from setting his fair maiden's heart to pounding with newly wakened desire for The Defender Of Her Honour, one suspects one has blotted his copybook by appearing to be a violent ruffian of the highest order!

But Ye Xym maketh no apologies for his honourable conduct. Mess with My Lady, My Pretties or mine stalwart companions, and I shalt remonstrate with thee. One will restrain from fisticuffs unless forced to engage in Battle, and thou shalt have to assault mine person first.

Or thieve my hat.

For I am The Xym. I care not for thine good opinion. As long as I know I have acted honorably, the opinions of others trouble me not. Thou it may rend mine heart that my standing may be diminished in Pretties eyes, I am THE Xym, and I am marvellous beyond words.

And you L♥VE me!

Coz I am fucking EPIC, I am! Stuff that Money Supermarket - it ain't as EPIC as me!

Watchin' a road to nowhere...

So, last night was the Olympic Opening Ceremony.

A bit of a shambles, really, coz the games stared about three days earlier, when we almost initiated Nuclear World War III by displaying the wrong Korean flag!

Anyhoo, the opening ceremony was supposed to be a celebration of Britishness. Now, impressive as it was, it did not capture the essence of Britishness.

Where was the Cup Of Tea?

Where were the Fish & Chips?

And more importantly, where was Christopher Lee, reprising his rôle as Lord Summerisle? Leading "Team GB" onto the field, dancing along in a dress, wig and painted face? Singing:

Sumer is icumen in Lhude sing cuccu! Groweþ sed and bloweþ med And springþ þe wde nu Sing cuccu! Awe bleteþ after lomb Lhouþ after calue cu. Bulluc sterteþ, bucke uerteþ Murie sing cuccu! Cuccu, cuccu, wel singes þu cuccu; Ne swik þu nauer nu. Pes: Sing cuccu nu. Sing cuccu. Sing cuccu. Sing cuccu nu!

Summer is a-coming in, Loudly sing, cuckoo! Grows the seed and blows the mead, And springs the wood anew; Sing, cuckoo! Ewe bleats harshly after lamb, Cows after calves make moo; Bullock stamps and deer champs, Now shrilly sing, cuckoo! Cuckoo, cuckoo; Wild bird are you; Be never still, cuckoo!

And then, the "Olympic Cauldron" could be David Cameron and Seb Coe in a Wicker Man, lit by the Olympic Torch!

Still, at least the Olympics have started in Starbucks. There's a young lady running a marathon in store. In tight lyrca leggings and a flimsy blouse.
On a treadmill.
Opposite me.
RIGHT opposite me!

Boiiiiiinnnnnng! Boiiiiiinnnnnng!! etc...

I'm ever so predictable, me...

She Loathes me, she Loves me not...

Wise up Xymon, Post Ya Blog...

But I can't post today's blog!

Why ever not, I hear thee cry?

Well, it was all to do with repetitious omens and portents of location based synchronicity, and what it all meant.

And then, I thought - hold up, check something else out, just in case.

And well bugger me backwards if that fate driven coincidence didn't lead in the same direction too!

However, that final linkage puts The Xym in a somewhat awkward position, for after typing it all up then discovering that final coincidence, it dawned on The Xym that it could creep out Certain Pretties (or a singularity of) that The Xym (may, or may not) be enamoured of!

But Xym, no-one reads your blog! Post it up anyways for a laugh!
Ah, but, what if, by some long shot, a particular Pretty matching that coincidence catches sight of it, and thinks The Xym is some stalkerescent pervertor desperately trying to find a loose excuse to indicate that Fate wants the Pretty & Xym to be together?
Ha, Xym! Like that's'll make any difference! You don't need your Blog to creep Pretties out! Look at yerself, you great fat lecherous oaf!
But, surely anyone with an ounce of nounce can see what a top bloke I am, and can recognise the comedy lechment for what is it?
Oh, you poor deluded fool Xym! Peoples don't have sense's of humour - it's all "first impressions" and you're a short, fat, sad ugly troll perving at Pretties!
But... my blog is OTT comedy elaborations of true events, made ludicrous by the very nature of their preposterousness! Surely no-one could take this overliterate proliferation of unnecessary prose seriously and judge The Xym based on the content contained within?
Of course they do! Why do you think hardly anyone accepts your Friend Requests on The Farcebook and The Shitter? Because they check you out and read the tripe you type on yer blog first... then run a mile from the wierdo obsessed with Space Monsters, Pretties and forever bewailing his lot!
But surely, they can see it's all a bit of ribald japery? It shows that The Xym has what is knows as one of them there GSOH that them Pretties keep harping on about being essential in one of them Pardners (albeit with the caveat of also being a stud muffin six-packed hunk who's a "bit of a bad boy" and a right bastard so they've got something to moan about when they go on Jeremy Kyle for lie detectors when their bad boy BF cheats on them because he's a "bit of a bad boy" and a right bastard.. Women, eh! How fickle they are!!).
Yeah, so you have a SOH (perhaps not a GSOH), and be a Gentleman who knows where ladies bits are... but this blog puts The Fear into the womens... besides, they all think you're gay anyway!
Eh, whut?!?!?
Well what do you expect, poncing about in bells and flags with feathers in yer ear, you great poof!
Oi! I'll have you know an actual individual, I am! Unique - that's me! There's only one Xym, and no-one else remotely similar!
Except Grendel, Quasimodo, The Heffalump man,...
Hey! Turn it in!
...A vast troll of lard, a corpulent bloated balloon of blubber, a mis-shapen disfigured shambling freak of nature, a deformed denizen of...
Enough already!
Why d'ya think its only blokes wot try and chat you up down The WhatACunt, despite your less than subtle ogling up of beautiful babes? And you always wear purple at work!
Ha - not today!
That's only 'coz it's Gay Lezza Bi-Tranny Day at work¹, and they've adopted purple² as the color of choice to denote homos, and you don't want them babes on Totty Avenue thinking you're a right shirtlifter... but it's too late for that!

Well, bugger me! NO! Scrap that! Bad choice of words, there!

Anyhoo - that's why there be no blog - coz the conundrum of coincidence ended up with the fickle fisting of fate pointing at a particular Pretty who may (or, more in reality, may not) be enamored of The Xym, and the resultant shyness would cause The Xym to be unable to face said Pretty for fear of embarassment, and, as ever, having to hide or flee from The Whatacunt. Not that Pretties down The WhatACunt are involved in these shennanigans (although they might be. Possibly. Or not. As the case may be).

But if you REALLY want to know what the blog contained, what the chain of coincidences were, and which Pretty it led to, it's all here below... apart from the naming of the Pretty, which may (or may not) be deduced from the repeated occurance of the coincidental element (said coincidental element can be construed from the title of this blog... and if you can figure that rather tenuous link out, you'll impress me no end! The Big Hint is more the first, rather than the second... which will give you the title of the X-cyphered blog below! Ah, once you get that play on an 80s classic pop hit...).

So here is that blog, edited down ever so slightly to avoid embarassment:

Xxxxx, Xxxxx, Xxx xx xxx xxx(x)...

Xxxxxxx'x xxxxxx xx xxxx xx xxxxxxxxx.

Xx xxxxxxx xx xxxx xxxxxxx xx Xxx Xxxxxxx

Xxx, xxxxxxx xxx Xxxx Xxx Xx Xxxxxxx xxx Xxxxxx, xx xxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxx xxx xxxxx, xxx xxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxx (xxx xxx xxxxxx xxxx xx Xxxxxxxxx & Xxxxxxxxxx xxxxx).

Xxxxx xxx Xxxxxx xxx, xxx xx xxxxxxx xxx xxxxxxx xxxxxx Xxxxx xxxxxxx, xx' xx xx xx Xxxxx.

Xxxxx... xxx, xxx xxxx Xxxxx xxxx Xxxxxx Xxxxx? Xxxxx xxxx xxxxx, xxxx xxxxxxx xxxxx xx, xxx xx'x... xxxxxxxx.

Xxxxxx, xx'x xxxx xxxxxx xxx xxxx xxx, xxx xxxxx xx xx Xxxxxxxx xx xxxxx xxx.

Xxx xxxx xxx xxxx xxx xxx xx Xxxxxx xx xxx xxxx xxxx.

Xxx!

Xxxxxx, xxxx xxxx xx xxxx, xxx xxxxxx xxx xxx xxxx: "Xxxx, X xxx xx Xxxxx", "Xx, xxx Xxxxx, xx!"

Xxxx'xx X xxxxxx? Xxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxx, xx xxxxxxxx'x xxxxxxx xxxxx Xxxxx! XXX xx xx x xxxx xx xxxxxxxx xxx xx x xxxxxx?

Xxx xxxx, xx xxxx, xx'x xxxxxxxxx xxx xxxx xxx xxxx! Xxx Xxxxx xx Xxxxx xx xxxxxxx xx xxxx xx xxxxxxxx xxxxxx xx xxxxx xxx Xxxxxxx Xxxxx!

Xxxx, x xxx xxxx xxxxx xxxxxxx xxxx x xxxx xxxxxx xxxx. Xx, xx xxxx xx xxx x xxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxx - xxx-xxxx Xxxxxx, xxx Xxxxxxx xxxx.

Xxx xx Xxx Xxxxxxx!

Xxxxx xxxx - xxxx Xxxxx. Xxxx X Xxx Xxxxx Xxx Xxx... xxxxx'x Xxxxx.

Xxxx xxxxxxx - xxxxxx xxx xx Xxxxx.

Xxxxxxxx - xxxx xxxx xxxxxx xxxxxxxxx xxx xxxxxxx xx Xxxxx.

Xxxxx - xxxx, xxxxx, xxx xxxxxxxxxx!

Xxxx xxxxxxxxx.. xxx xxxxx... XXXX XXXXXX XXXXX!

Xxxx'x xx xxxxxxx xxxxx xxxxxx Xxxxx!

Full, unedited version is actually on my Blog, but only in Draft mode, so I may delete this one some day and post the draft one. Or I may not. I may even have both up for comparitive porpoises. Who can say?

¹ AND BEING DIVERSITY-AWARE AND ALL PC AND THAT, TODAY'S LUNCH MENU IS MACARONI MY CAMP PONY'S [NOB] CHEESE AND GARLIC GAY LICK BREAD...
    ...GAY LICK BREAD? GÆLIC BREAD?!?!?! AYE, IT'S THE FUTURE, SO IT IS, BEGORRAH, ALL PHOENIX LEPRECHAUN NIGHTS AND WHERE'S ME GOLD YA BASTARD? PÓG MO THÓIN AND BOMB THE ENGLISH QUEEN WITH MA LUCKY FOUR LEAVED CLOVER BUTTER. OR IS IT CLOVER MARGE... OR CREAM? OR EVEN CLOVER BUTTERCREAM? WELL, IT IS GAYDAY, SO MORE LIKE BUTTOCK-CREAM FOR LUBRICATIONAL EASE OF ENTRY, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN (AND I'M SURE THAT YOU DO, AND IF YOU DON'T, WELL, OBVIOUSLY I MEANT BUTTOCK CREAM TO BUM AN ENGLISH QUEEN. OR SOMETHING).

² AND NAYONE'S SMASHING MY PURPLE BACK DOORS IN! NOT EVEN RAPEY ROHYPNOLLING TAXI DRIVERS.

Nefertiti, Cleopatra and one chalice...

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Xym's list of exciting stuff (August '12)...

A list of upcoming stuffs what The Xym is sort-of looking forward to.

Jump to section:

Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiobooks --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month ---

Film

17 Aug 2012	The Bourne Legacy Seems to be a reboot/remake of The Bourne Identity.
17 Aug 2012	Brave Pixar wee Scotch lassie stuff!
29 Aug 2012	Total Recall [unnecessary] Remake… but I'm told Kate Beckinsale isn't in it… apparently, she was to be the three-titted woman, but her husband didn't want her getting her norks out on camera. With a extra jug perched between her dirty pillows.
29 Aug 2012	The Watch 4 Neighbourhood Watch members take on invading Space Monsters…
31 Aug 2012	The Possession Women buys a box at a yard sale. And demons terrorise her. Sounds a bit Hellraisery to me!
14 Sep 2012	Paranorman
14 Sep 2012	Resident Evil: Retribution
21 Sep 2012	Dredd Karl Urban (as Dredd) will NOT remove the helmet. Despite Olivia Thirlby playing PSI Anderson, they're fending off Lena Headey's drug gang… apparently The Dark Judges are being held back for the [potential] sequel…
28 Sep 2012	Looper Time Travel assasinatory type shennanigans
12 Oct 2012	Frankenweenie Tim Burton's full length stop-motion movie (based on his short film)
31 Oct 2012	Silent Hill: Revelation 3D
?? Oct 2012	Giant God Warrior Appears in Tokyo Studio Ghibli live action epic, directed by Hideaki Anno of Neon Genesis Evangelion! Trailer looks… suspiciously similar to Evangelion… paving the way for a full, live action version of Evangelion after 4.44 comes out?
16 Nov 2012	Breaking Dawn part 2
14 Dec 2012	Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
11 Jan 2013	Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters I thought it was this year… apparently, it's next year. Bollocks.
11 Jan 2013	Les Misérables Movie of the Musical. Hugh Jackman as Valjean, Russell Crowe as Javert, Anne Hathaway as Fantine, Sacha Baron Cohen as Thénardier and... ♥♥♥HELENA BONHAM-CARTER♥♥♥☺ as Madame Thénardier!!
?? Feb 2013	Wreck-It Ralph Video Game boss escapes his game, and goes through the other games in the Arcade. Lots of classic game boss cameos…
08 Mar 2013	Oz: The Great & The Powerful Prequel to Wizard of Oz
22 Mar 2013	Jack The Giant Killer
?? Apr 2013	Oblivion
12 Apr 2013	Stephen King's Carrie Chloe Grace Moretz to play Carrietta White, Julianne Moore to play Margaret White
12 Apr 2013	Evil Dead Remake in progress.
03 May 2013	Iron Man 3 Plot based on the nanotech comic storyline Extremis
17 May 2013	Star Trek 2
23 May 2013	The Lone Ranger Johnny Depp as Tonto…
23 May 2014	Planet of the Apes 2 Sequel to Tise of the Planet of the Apes being fast-tracked. Andy Serkis mo-capping again.
14 Jun 2013	Man Of Steel Zack Snyder reboots Superman…
12 Jul 2013	Monsters University Prequel to Monsters Inc.
12 Jul 2013	Pacific Rim Guillero Del Toro's Kaiju homage. Giant sea monsters awaken, only to be fought off by giant robots piloted by humans!
26 Jul 2013	Wolverine, The Hugh Jackman in another X-Men sequel
?? Jul 2013	Robopocalypse Spielberg adap of Daniel H Wilson Rise Of The Machines type novel
09 Aug 2013	Robocop Remake… and Robocop will have a visor so you can see Murphy's eyes/face. Gary Oldman cast (prob not as Murphy tho')
04 Oct 2013	Sin City 2: A Dame To Kill For
08 Nov 2013	Thor 2
22 Nov 2013	Hunger Games 2: Catching Fire
13 Dec 2013	Hobbit: There And Back Again
14 Mar 2014	Maleficent Angelina Jolie cast as Maleficient (looks awesome in the teaser pics)
04 Apr 2014	Captain America 2
?? May 2014	Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Remember the recent relief that the reboot had been scrapped… it's back on again. Fuck. Let's hope they've dropped the Ninja Turtles created by Space Monsters twattery that cunted up the last reboot plot…
29 Jun 2014	Transformers 4
Jump to section:	Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiobooks --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month ---

Blu-Ray

20 Aug 2012	GYO Tokyo Fish Attack Zombie Fish with robo-legs invade Tokyo..
20 Aug 2012	Puppetmaster
27 Aug 2012	Walking Dead (Series 2)
27 Aug 2012	War of the Worlds Series 2 of the 1989 TV spin off from the George Pal 1953 movie (DVD only)
30 Aug 2012	War of the Worlds: Goliath Manga-esque steampunk sequel to WotW (sort of like Scarlet Traces). Rumoured to also be in 3D.
03 Sep 2012	.[rec]3: Genesis
03 Sep 2012	Hunger Games Seriously - just buy Battle Royale and avoid this shit!
18 Sep 2012	Judge Dredd There are a few good things in this… um… yeah - The Angel Gang, an ABC warrior, but seriously - removing the helmet? Fergee? Dredd snogging?
09 Oct 2012	Little Shop Of Horrors: The Intended Cut CONFIRMED. 2 discs, Theatrical cut & Director's Cut, packaged in a 40 page book. Directors cut has the original ending, in color, mastered from the original color negatives!
15 Oct 2012	American Horror Story (series 1)
?? Oct 2012	Evangelion 3.33: Quickening
09 Sep 2012	Cabin In The Woods
10 Sep 2012	Battleship
17 Sep 2012	Avengers Assemble
24 Sep 2012	Resident Evil: Damnation
?? ??? 2012	Blade Runner 30th Anniversary Edition
?? ??? 2012	War Of The Worlds: The True Story Tim Hines accepts flaws on his original WotW, and does a much better job on this faux documentary
?? ??? ????	Kill Bill Redux Volumes 1 & 2 re-edited into one movie
Jump to section:	Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiobooks --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month ---

Gigs

09 Aug 2012 *POSTPONED* *CANCELLED*	Chthonic Norwich WhatACunt. No new date - tickets now being refunded
07 Sep 2012	Gary Numan Norwich UEA
15 Sep 2012	Mortad Norwich WhatACunt
16 Sep 2012	The Cult Londinium - Wembley arena Support from The Mission AND Killing Joke! 5 day tour: 11th - Newcastle Radio Arena 12th - Sheffield Motorpoint Arena 14th Manchester Arena 15th Birmingham LG Arena Seems that Jazz threw a right old strop on Facebook! "Dear Gatherers, It gives me great pleasure to announce the cancellation of the upcoming gigs with The Cult and The Mission. Frankly, playing at a gig with The Cult never appealed to me in the first place. The only reason we allowed ourselves to be talked into it was to blow both bands off the stage and to steal their respective audiences. As the concert has been downgraded to a venue that we have recently headlined (and sold out) it doesn't make sense. In addition to this Gatherers would only get to listen to a one hour set. Then there would be a problem with the dressing room and witnessing The Cult charge the fans $200 per head for a Meet and Greet. Lastly, all their songs suck! They clearly have no integrity (they refer to their hometown as L.A.). On a more positive note KJ will be recording in Argentina just after Christmas and Brixton Academy is booked for Spring. I do believe the band will play a private gig at Metropolis Studios (London) which is of course open to all Gatherers (you are the first to know!). I hope you are all as relieved as I am! Black Jester PS I don't want your money PPS Life without KJ is unthinkable!" Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!
29 Sep 2012	John Cooper-Clarke Norwich Arse Centre
30 Sep 2012	John Cooper-Clarke Norwich Arse Centre
03 Oct 2012	Ultravox Ipswich Regent
20 Oct 2012	Trivium Norwich UEA
22 Oct 2012	Lacuna Coil Norwich WhatACunt
25 Oct 2012	Hazel O'Connor Norwich WhatACunt
26 Oct 2012	Bat For Lashes Norwich UEA
31 Oct 2012	Fields of the Nephilim Shepherd's Bush Empire Moved due to the cancellation of the Sonisphere festival
11 Nov 2012	3OH!3 Norwich WhatACunt
21 Nov 2012	Adam Ant Norwich UEA
21 Nov 2012	Peter Hook and The Light Norwich WhatACunt And what a cunt it is! Peter Hook, performing Joy Divisions "Unknown Pleasures" album, same night as Adam Ant. FECKARAMA!!
30 Nov 2012	The Damned Norwich UEA
03 Dec 2012	Thin Lizzy Norwich UEA
07 Dec 2012	Pout At The Devil Norwich WhatACunt
11 Dec 2012	Human League Norwich UEA
19 Dec 2012	Sleigh in the UK The Wonder Stuff, PWEI and Jesus Jones! Shepherd's Bush Empire
Jump to section:	Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiobooks --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month ---

Music

06 Aug 2012	Futile Combat Skeletal Family Re-Issue with extra tracks
05 Nov 2012	War Of The Worlds: The New Generation Jeff Wayne's re-recording of his original album to work in more of the novel, with new sequences and revamped score. This Is NOT the live concert/show, but a new vision of the original concept album Richard Burton replaced with Liam Neeson David Essex replaced by The Kaiser Chief's Ricky Wilson
?? ??? 2012	Adam Ant Is the Blueblack Hussar in Marrying the Gunner's Daughter Adam Ant New Album - recently confirmed by Adam as a double album with 17 tracks. Presumably to be released to coincide with the tour later this year Previously rumoured tracklisting (so 17 of these - but can say for certain Vince Taylor is a definite track!): 1. Hard Men, Tough Blokes, 2. punkyoungirl, 3. Rubber Medusa (aka Gun in My Pocket), 4. Cool Zombie, 5. Shrink, 6. Cradle Your Hatred, 7. Who's A Goofy Bunny, 8. Bullshit (a song about the internet), 9. When I Was A Sperm, 10. Dirty Beast, 11. How Can I Say I Miss You, 12. Marrying The Gunners Daughter, 13. Stay In The Game, 14. Valentine's Day, 15. Vince Taylor, 16. Vivienne's Tears, 17. Bumpy Capers, 18. Mios Agos Y, 19. Call Me, 20. Sausage, 21. Izzy Dizzy Bums, 22. Stand Up, 23. I Know, 24. Darlin' Boy
?? ??? 2012	Made Glorious The March Violets New Album!
Jump to section:	Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiobooks --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month ---

Games

31 Oct 2012	Assassins Creed III
?? Oct 2012	Silent Hill: Book of Memories
20 Nov 2012	Resident Evil 6
?? ??? 2012	Animal Crossing 3Ds
Jump to section:	Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiobooks --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month ---

Books

?? Aug 2012	No Sharks in the Med and Other Stories Lumley, Brian 1. Fruiting Bodies, 2. The Sun, the Sea, and the Silent Scream, 3. The Picnickers, 4. The Viaduct, 5. The Luststone, 6. The Whisperer, 7. No Sharks in the Med, 8. The Pit-Yakker, 9. The Place of Waiting, 10. The Man Who Killed Kew Gardens, 11. My Thing Friday, 12. The Disapproval of Jeremy Cleave
06 Sep 2012	The Educated Ape and Other Wonders of the Worlds Rankin, Robert
?? Nov 2012	Blake's 7: Archangel Harrison, Scott New B7 novel set between series 2 episodes 6 (Trial) and 7 (Killer)
?? ??? 2012	The Mechanical Messiah and Other Marvels of the Modern Age Rankin, Robert
?? ??? 2012	e-Book back Catalogue Lumley, Brian - in negotiations
?? ??? 2012	Necroscope: The Möbius Murders Lumley, Brian
01 Jan 2013	Sisterhood of Dune Herbert, Brian & Anderson, Kevin J.
13 May 2013	Blood of Dragons Robin Hobb
?? ??? ????	The Chickens of Atlantis and other Foul and Filthy Fiends Rankin, Robert
?? ??? ????	The Crow Shirley, John. New graphic Mini-series, set in Tokyo
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Audiobooks

31 Aug 2012	Blake's 7: The Liberator Chronicles #2 1. The Magnificent Four, 2. False Positive, 3. [tba]. Features original cast members Gareth Thomas, Paul Darrow and Jan Chappell reprising their roles as Roj Blake, Kerr Avon and Cally
?? Feb 2013	Retromancer Robert Rankin adaptation in 13 half-hour episodes. To be aired on BBC Radio Feb 2013
?? ??? 2013	Blake's 7: The Liberator Chronicles #3 1. [tba], 2. [tba], 3. [tba]. Features original cast members Gareth Thomas, Paul Darrow, Michael Keating, Jan Chappell, Stephen Greif & Jacqueline Pearce reprising their roles as Roj Blake, Kerr Avon, Vila Restal, Cally, Travis and Servalan
?? ??? 2013	Blake's 7: The Liberator Chronicles #4 See Liberator Chronicles #3 above
?? ??? 2013	Blake's 7: The Liberator Chronicles #5 See Liberator Chronicles #3 above
?? ??? 2013	Blake's 7: The Liberator Chronicles #6 See Liberator Chronicles #3 above
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TV

?? Sep 2012	Revolution From the creators of Lost & Supernatural. An EMP wipes all power on earth. Forever. Post-apocalyptic type shennanigans?
31 Oct 2012	Secret Of Crickley Hall Showing in UK on: BBC
Autumn 2012	Red Dwarf Showing in UK on: Dave. New Series (The Xym hath never watched it, so may have to start)
Latter 2012	Primeval: New World
Latter 2012	Walking Dead (Series 3)
?? ??? 2012	American Horror Story (series 2) To be set in the 1960s. In a loony bin… sorry, Asylum. To be an anthology series…
?? ??? 2012	The Best Possible Taste BBC4 - 90min Kenny Everett Biopic
?? ??? 2012	Sinbad New mini-series
SPRING 2023	Game Of Thrones (series 3) Series three to be A Storm Of Swords, Part 1
?? ??? ????	A.L.F. Yes, they're bringing back ALF from 1980s Melmak…
?? ??? ????	American Gods HBO mini series being adapted by Neil Gaiman. Produced by Tom Hanks.
?? ??? ????	Bates Motel Psycho: Norman Bates, The Early Years… oh dear…
?? ??? ????	Exorcist: The Beginning Spin-off series
?? ??? ????	Gotham
?? ??? ????	Grimm (Series 2)
?? ??? ????	Journey To The West 13 part serial being adapted by Neil Gaiman. Probably better known as Monkey! in the UK
?? ??? ????	Stephen King's Under The Dome Scripted by one of the writers of Lost…
?? ??? ????	Mockingbird Lane Remake of The Munsters. Eddie Izzard as Grandpa, Jerry O'Connell as Herman, Mason Cook as Eddie
?? ??? ????	New Nabors A family's neighbours turn out to be The Muppets! What's not to like!!
?? ??? ????	Once Upon A Time (Series 2)
?? ??? ????	666 Park Avenue
?? ??? ????	Space 2099 Yes, they're rebooting Gerry Anderson's Space 1999 in a new century…
?? ??? ????	Star Wars: Underworld
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Films In Development

?? ??? 2012	.[rec]4: Apocalypse
?? ??? 2012	Bill & Ted #3
?? ??? 2012	Dracula 3D BY DARIO ARGENTO! With Rutger Hauer as Van Helsing, and... ♥♥♥ASIA ARGENTO♥♥♥☺ as Lucy!!
?? ??? 2012	Mama New spooky Guillero del Toro movie.
?? ??? 2012	Smiley
?? ??? 2012	Thale Follow up to Troll Hunter, this time with Huldra instead of Trolls. Released in Norway on 17th Feb 2012
?? ??? 2013	Day of the Triffids Sam "Evil Dead" Raimi producing
?? ??? 2013	Frozen Interpretation of Hans Christian Andersons "Snow Queen"
?? ??? 2013	Girl Who Played With Fire David Fincher's remake of the 2nd Millenium Movie
?? ??? 2013	Last Voyage of the Demeter The bit in Dracula where The Count travels in his coffin from Transylvania to England. Expanded into a movie with Viggo "Aragorn, son of Arathorn" Mortensen
?? ??? 2013	Pride and Prejudice... and Zombies
?? ??? 2013	Rentaghost: The Movie Russell Brand has been replaced by Ben Stiller as Fred Mumford
?? ??? 2013	Short Circuit Remake. Oh Mr Johnny Five, this good news, no?
?? ??? 2013	Stephen King's The Stand Remake - latest is that it may be split into several films or another mini-series.
?? ??? 2013	Suspiria Back on again (probably without Natalie Portman now)
?? ??? 2013	The World's End Final part in Pegg/Frost's Blood & Ice Cream trilogy
?? ??? 2014	Godzilla Warner Brothers reboot. Again.
?? ??? 2014	The Night Stalker Johnny Depp as Kolchak in the film adap of the series
?? ??? 2014	Woman in Black: Angels of Death Hammer's [unnecessary] sequel to The Woman In Black set 20 years later…
?? ??? 2014	Zorro Reborn "The Fox" is rebooted!
?? ??? 2015	Doctor Who David "Harry Potter" Yates taking it on
?? ??? 2015	Avatar 2
?? ??? ????	Atlantis Rising Comic book adap - may be a miniseries?
?? ??? ????	Assassins Creed Michael Fassbender to star as Altair
?? ??? ????	Avatar 3
?? ??? ????	Avatar 4 Only a possibility of Avatar 4 at moment
?? ??? ????	Beetlejuice 2 Tim Burton back at the helm, and Michael Keaton now signed on to reprise role as Beetlejuice! Written by Seth Grahame-Smith, author of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, etc
?? ??? ????	Blade Runner 2 No prequel, and Harrison Ford WON'T be in it… unless Ridley decides he can have a brief cameo.
?? ??? ????	Boy Scouts vs Zombies Jesus. It gets worse…
?? ??? ????	Carpe Diem: The Adventures of a Demon Hunting Soccer Mom With a title like that, I gotta see it!
?? ??? ????	The Crow Legal details now resolved, so reboot going ahead. Can't see this being an improvement on the original.
?? ??? ????	Dinosaurs vs Aliens Barry Sonnenfield directing Grant Morrisson's adap of his graphic novel
?? ??? ????	Exists Sasquatch hunts humans. From the people who brought you The Blair Witch Project. Oh dear.
?? ??? ????	Girl Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest Remake of the 3rd Millenium Movie
?? ??? ????	The Graveyard Book Henry Selick adapting another Neil Gaiman book.
?? ??? ????	Hallowe'en Another reboot - can't be worse than the Rob Zombie mess
?? ??? ????	Highlander Reboot up again…
?? ??? ????	The Hobbit Part 3 NOW OFFICIALLY CONFIRMED! The Hobbit WILL be a trilogy! Peter Jackson considering whether to split the current two movies into three. Whilst the cast & sets are still about, and there's too much footage for 2 films, they're discussing the practicalities of quickly shooting more footage.
?? ??? ????	Hulk 3
?? ??? ????	Hunger Games 3: Mockingjay Rumoured to be split into 2 movies, like Potter/Twilight to eke out as much cash from the franchise as possible…
?? ??? ????	Human Centipede III: Final Sequence Yes, it's been scripted and the cast signed on to reprise their HC2 roles…
?? ??? ????	I Am Legend 2 How can he be a legend again? Oh, he wasn't in the first film either… JUST MAKE "I AM LEGEND" PROPERLY!
?? ??? ????	Stephen King's 'IT' Back on again! Cary Fukunaga relaces David Kajganich as writer, and becomes director. Also, it's being split into 2 movies (like the mini-series, then!)
?? ??? ????	Jitters Giant killer insects…
?? ??? ????	Jurassic Park 4 Kicking off a new trilogy… oh dearie me…
?? ??? ????	Kick Ass 2: Balls To The Wall
?? ??? ????	Little Shop Of Horrors Remake of the Musical version, developed by (and starring) Joseph Gordon-Levitt
?? ??? ????	Logan's Run Rumour is the remake's back on again…
?? ??? ????	Monsters: Dark Continent Sequel to Monsters. As of the original borefest wasn't enough tedium for anyone, they want to bore us to death again!
?? ??? ????	Monty Python's… Untitled tale of aliens giving superpowers to a human for laughs. All the remaining Pythons… except, of course, Eric Idle who's refusing at the moment.
?? ??? ????	The Mummy Part of Universal's 100 year celebrations, another reboot
?? ??? ????	Neuromancer Adap of William Gibson novel
?? ??? ????	Night Of The Living Tim Burton & Seth Grahame-Smith developing
?? ??? ????	Pinocchio Tim Burton (NO Johnny Depp - Robert Downey Jr rumoured as Geppetto). Or, maybe not Burton now - rumour is that Guillermo del Toro has taken over, with Daniel Radcliffe and Tom Waits. In 3D
?? ??? ????	Poltergeist Sam Raimi remaking
?? ??? ????	Here There Be Monsters 18th Century sea monster stuff
?? ??? ????	Shadow of the Colossus Adaptation of the game
?? ??? ????	Time After Time Remake of the 80s classic - Jack The Ripper escapes to modern times in HG Wells Time Machine, chased by… HG Wells himself!
?? ??? ????	Timecrimes US Remake of the Spanish classic
?? ??? ????	Triplets! Sequel to Twins! Schwarzenegger and DeVito discover their long-lost Brother (Eddie Murphy)… Recently confirmed by DeVito as actually being in development. Oh dear….
?? ??? ????	X-Men: First Class 2 Given the go-ahead.
?? ??? ????	Van Helsing Reboot, with Tom Cruise as Van Helsing…
?? ??? ????	Venom Spidey-Man spin off
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In Limbo

IN LIMBO	Akira Production once again halted…
IN LIMBO	At The Mountains Of Madness Guillerro Del Toro's plans are ruined. Ridley Scott's Prometheus is more-or-lese the same concept.
IN LIMBO	Chrome Pendragon Pictures sci-fi flick
IN LIMBO	Forbidden Planet Remake written & directed by Babylon 5's J. Michael Straczynski
IN LIMBO	Ghostbusters 3 Officially dead. Bill Murray has said NO WAY, and unless he's on board, there will be no movie
IN LIMBO	Good Omens Gaiman/Pratchett movie adaptation to be directed by Terry Gilliam
IN LIMBO	Hawk The Hunter Sequel to Hawk The Slayer, currently awaiting funding.
IN LIMBO	Hawk The Destroyer Final in the Hawk trilogy. Presumably waiting for funding, or after Hawk The Hunter
IN LIMBO	Myst Latest movie news October 2011: "Much has happened over the past few months and we will let you know what’s going on, but now is not the appropriate or best time"
IN LIMBO	Necroscope Script written and film "being worked on"… but no news for months
IN LIMBO	Neverwhere Gaiman movie adaptation awaiting a director
IN LIMBO	Power of the Dark Crystal Sequel to The Dark Crystal Back on hold as of 21 Feb 2012, as OmniLab cut all funding due to the failure of their crap film 'The Killer Elite'. The Henson Group may speak to them later in 2012 about further development, or seek a new partner, or can the whole project. Again.
IN LIMBO	Sandman Gaiman TV Series adaptation awaiting a suitable director - Eric Kripke (Supernatural) was promising, but eventually turned down.
IN LIMBO	Tripods, The Movie adaptation of the trilogy, re-set in America.
IN LIMBO	Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me, Teresa Banks And The Last Seven Days Of Laura Palmer Remastered DVD/Blu-Ray with deleted scenes
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Last month

27 Jul 2012	Dr Seuss' The Lorax "I am the Lorax! I speak for the trees, Which you seem to be chopping as fast as you please; But I also speak for the brown Barbaloots, Who frolicked and played in their Barbaloot suits, Happily eating Truffula fruits."
20 Jul 2012	The Dark Knight Rises Anne Hathaway cast as Catwoman
13 Jul 2012	Adam Ant Ipswich
09 Jul 2012	Absentia David Lynch style spooky strangeness!
04 Jul 2012	The Amazing Spider-Man 3D I held off putting this on my list of exciting stuff, as another reboot of Spidey does not excite The Xym. Think I may retitle it to list of Interesting Stuff!
02 Jul 2012	John Carter
?? Jul 2012	Sinbad
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