Well, I knew that already! I've already been worshipped as a God on a few occasions1.
Anyhoo, on relection, I thought no. Maybe I wouldn't like to be a God. I think I'd prefer to be a Rod.
Rod Hull, that is!
See, there's this huge outcry over Jimmy Savile groping up womens, and now he should be made to pay2.
But I remember seeing Rod Hull on telly. OK, so he had a big blue bird on his arm, but what did he get away with?
Constant feeling up of womens, under the excuse that it was not him, it was an Emu, 'onest, guv'nah!
"Oh my word missus! My Emu seems to want to gnaw on your nipples! Now he's going for a bite on the bum! Watch your flange there, missus - birds like fish, and he wants his fish supper!"
And all live on TV!
He even went for chatshow cock! Pecking presenter Parkinson's penis, and goosing his arse. Not to mention tweaking his moobnips (probably).
And is he reviled? Not one jot!
I reckon if Jimmy Savile had invested in some tatty old bird3 and performed his molestation via muppet puppetry, he'd still a popular tellyman and DJ, and remembered for his cheeky hi-jinks.
Like ramming a feathered fist up Grottbags pink windmill.
Seems to me, that as long as you got a puppet, you can get away with just about anything4.
And so I would like to be a Rod.
After all, I'm not the only one to follow in Rod's footsteps. I would like to follow in those footsteps too.
As long as those footsteps don't lead up an arial, onto the roof, and a final rooftop showdown before the evil villain finally takes the long plunge down into oblivion5.
1 ALTHOUGH, BASED ON THE LAST FEW DAYS INTOLERANCE FROM BIGOTED TYPES, I MAY NEED TO EXPAND MY BENEVOLENT, KIND, UNDERSTANDING AND GENERAL GOODWILL TO ALL MANKIND TO INCLUDE MUCH INTOLERANCE. AND SMITING. (SMITING AND INTOLERANCE BEING DE RIGEUR TO "NORMAL" FOLKS". AFTER ALL, THEIR GOD WAS A BIT OF A GIT, WHAT WITH THE MASSACRE BY FLOOD, THE BURNING OF BUMMERS IN SODOM AND THE CONFLAGRATION OF THOSE WHO DARED TO EDUCATE THEMSELVES IN BABYLON)
2 OUT HIS £4,000,000 LEGACY WHICH COULD BENEFIT CHARITY, BUT VICTIMS WANT JUSTICE... BY WAY OF GETTING WADS OF FREE CASH FOR MAKING A CLAIM.
3 HIS MUM, ALLEGEDLY!
4 ♫ FOR I AM TRIUMPH, THE PUPPET DOG, I AM A MERE PUPPET
I CAN GET AWAY WITH ANYTHING I SING, YOU WILL LOVE IT
THE WAY YOU SHAKE IT, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT
I AIN'T NEVER SEEN AN ASS LIKE THAT
THE WAY YOU MOVE IT, YOU MAKE MY PEE PEE GO
B'DOING, DOING, DOING ♫
5 OR SOME FORM OF HANDY CUSHIONED PASSING TRANSPORT, IN ORDER TO WHISK THEM AWAY LEAVING THE WAY OPEN FOR THE EBC SEQUEL...
