"Scientists say they have conclusive proof that unborn babies yawn repeatedly in the womb"
Well, bugger me backwards!
Glad to see our Government handing out research grants to the Greybeards for vital information such as this.
Of course, if they'd come to me first, or anyone sensible, I could've told them that - without the years of research.
But of course I'd still pocket the grant1.
I mean, it's obvious innit. What's there to do in a womb?
Fuck all!
No telly, playstation, mobile device or even a Connect 4. Just floating about in placenta.
So, you'd be piss bored.
And when you're bored, you yawn!
"Blah. Blah blah blahdy blah"
*Yawn*
"Oh, sorry. Am I boring you?"
[Yes! Yes! Shut the fuck up] "No, please, do go on with your most interesting anecdote"
"More blah. Extra blah blah blahdy blah. With added blah blah blah for good measure"
And not only do fœtuses yawn - they yawn repeatedly.
Well, so would you if you were locked in a watery cell for 9 months. It's boring as fuck being stuck up a womb for months on end!
You'd think these modern scummy mummies would manhandle a mobile up their minge, and start weaning their sprogs on txting early. Give it something to do whilst hanging about instead of being bored. Although it'd probably be a bit embarrassing at Aunty Natal class, when the Angry Birds theme starts playing from your poon.
Not to mention the grunts of the evil egg thieving piggies.
I mean, it's not far off that popular Urban Dictionary activity of setting your phone to vibrate, putting it in a food bag, shoving it up your reproductive letterbox and making a call to the internal vibratory orgasmatron.
So there you have it. Keep your unborn sproglets entertained, otherwise The Tories will have it marked as a lazyass dole sponging scrounger of a layabout, and stop yer child benefit before it's even born!
1 NORMALLY, I WOULD MAKE A MOST HILARIOUS JAPE ABOUT HAVING A GRANT IN MY POCKET. UNFORTUNATELY, I CAN'T THINK OF ANY GRANTS I WANT RUMMAGING ABOUT IN ME TROUSERS. THE ONLY ONES THAT SPRING TO MIND ARE FATTY ARSETROLOGER RUSSELL GRANT, YOBBO EASTENDER GRANT MICHELL, PROZZIE PULLING POSHO HUGH GRANT, REGGAE RASTA EDDIE GRANT, FINEST-WINES-IN-ALL-OF-HUMANITY RICHARD E. GRANT, EVEN DR ALAN GRANT OUT OF JURASSIC PORK. JURASSIC PORKING LAURA DERP, I CAN MAKE A COMEDIC JOCULARITY ABOUT, BUT LADY GRANTS? I LACK ANY PRETTIES OF A GRANT BASED MONIKER. APART FROM NON-CELEBRITY LOCAL PRETTIES, WHOM SHALL REMAIN NAMELESS. APART FROM THE GRANT BIT. OBVIOUSLY. ;)
