The only downside is extreme tiredyness!
● Soup & Yoghurt Monday, drive to/from work
● Sushi & Yoghurt Tuesday, walked to/from work
● Lamb Bap & Yoghurt Wednesday, drive to/from work...
...and last night fell asleepy on the sofa on-and-off from about 7:30 until this morning when I walkeded in!
Now, the perils of walking in to work are manyfold.
The chill of the dawn ain't too bad, as you warm up walking. But having a preposterous 'tache, there is one problem.
Morning dew accumulation!
A damp 'tashe is bad enough, but due to the waxen curvature, it makes a nice little pair of watery bowers, resulting in constant strippage of water from my melodramatic moustachios.
It's worse than a runny nose!
But not as worse as the sights you see upon the way.
That there Coolio Inglazyarse once sang "♪Been spending most my life livin' in a gangsta's pair o' pants♫" in his top hippety hoppity ballad "To all the Hos whose back doors I've smashed in before". Well, this morning would be more "♪Been walking into work, livin' in a world of gash flashed pants♫".
I'm not one for following The Fashion2, but honestly, I'm suprised partners/parents allow these Modern Wimmin fashionistas to go to work/school in a skirt that leaves their dunghampers on show.
Even them Wimmins what have to tug their belt-sized skirt down every 4 steps, even after a good tugging there's still great saggy hairy arsecheeks uncovered. And probably proffering poony cameltoes from the front.
Whatever happened to modesty? The fact that your skirt doesn't cover your cludge to start with might be an indication of inapprorpriate attire! Why even bother wearing a skirt, let alone re-arranging it to cover just yer pubes and arsecrack!3
Anyhoo, after being faced with fugly femmes fudgepackets, I hit Norwich Market, and another bizarre spectacle.
Anne Widdecombe!
Well, an identical Anne Widdecombe lookie-likey!
An identical Anne Widdecombe lookie-likey in a bright pink bob wig!
An identical Anne Widdecombe lookie-likey in a bright pink bob wig and troweled on slap!
An identical Anne Widdecombe lookie-likey in a bright pink bob wig, troweled on slap and Ziggy Stardust style shiny multi-hued lycra leggings...
...extremely tight leggings...
Eurgh! Even more Eurgh than an Eurgh on seeing the Widdecombe, for Anne Widdecombe turned out to be Man Widdecombe, complete with Uncle Tom's cobblers an' all.
And by cobblers, I mean bollocks. And by an' all, I mean nob as well.
Bad enough being winked at by chocolate starfishes of trollbirds mid-floss, let alone being able to read the wrinkles on the cock of a tranny who "dresses to the left" of a morning!
Put me right off my Starbucks Venti Gingybread Latté with cream it did!4
1 EXTRA-SIZE, IN YOUR CASE, XYM, YOU GREAT FAT POLTROON!
2 THAT'D BE A JOKE. YOU KNOW XYM ALWAYS SETS THEM, SETS THEM, AND EVERYONE JUST TAKES NOTES, TAKES NOTES
3 WHAT, XYM? YOU'RE COMPLAINING ABOUT PRETTIES IN SHORT SKIRTS FLASING THE GASH?
YEAH, BUT, THERE ARE
4 AHEM - XYM? I THOUGHT YOU WERE BEING HEALTHY NOW?
OK - IT'S A VENTI SKINNY LATTÉ WITH 2 SHOTS OF EXPRESSO WITH CREAM. SO THAT'S HEALTHIER, LACKING THE FULL-LARD MILK AND 2 SHOTS OF FATTENING FUCKOFFEE INSTEAD OF 3!
CREAM, XYM, CREAM. AND SYRUP!
BUT IT'S STILL HEALTHIER THAN BEFORE. BESIDES, AS DALE COOPER SAID: "I'M GOING TO LET YOU IN ON A LITTLE SECRET. EVERY DAY, ONCE A DAY, GIVE YOURSELF A PRESENT. DON'T PLAN IT. DON'T WAIT FOR IT. JUST LET IT HAPPEN. IT COULD BE A NEW SHIRT AT THE MEN'S STORE, A CATNAP IN YOUR OFFICE CHAIR, OR A 2-SHOT VENTI SKINNY GINGBREAD LATTÉ"
