M&S? S&M Poundland porn Princesses, more like...

The Filth from the mouths of Pretties!

I popped into Poundland for Team Jelly Babbies and Womble luring chocolate Hobnobs. Now, due to it being the Ice Age, the shop was fairly bereft of customers, as most preferred to skive off having a duvet day watching Jeremy Kyle, I mean work from home.

Anyhew, as the Poundland Pretty was scanning my sweeties, she was busy nattering with the shelfstacker slattern.

The serving wench was blathering on about how the shopfloor siren should have a Rambo-esque breast-slung bullet bandoleer, but packed with condoms and not bullets.

The Blonde Bombshell then explained because it was all so quiet, they get talk all sort of filth without offending the customers. She went on to point out that she dared the other harlot to wear wellies.

And wellies she was wearing.

Shiny, black, PVC wellies.

The store stocking strumpet then went into further erotic descriptives of her intimate attire, such as her French Knickers.. And then my totty on the tills gave further suggestions, such as the black peaked cap.

It all got a bit dominatrixy after that.

Well, I didn't know what to say, nor where to look!

There's me buying my team cookies and gelatine¹ treats, and I'm suddenly drawn into fetishistic fantasies being discussed by trollops on tills!

Who needs 0898 lines and Babestation when you can get sultry sirens talking dirty for free. And get sweeties thrown into the bargain bin!

I'm a-going back tomorrow for more aural sex trouserial arousal!

Perhaps I should mention tight latex leggings and topless service while I'm at it.

Assuming, of course, I'm "at it" with the hot honey, if you know what I mean (and I'm sure that you do).

or something.

¹ ACCORDING TO MR BURNS REGARDING GELATINE: "IT'S MADE FROM HOOVES, YOU KNOW". I SEE. SO HORSEY HOOF² IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR HARIBO, YET PUT IT IN A TESCO VALUE BURGER... I DON'T KNOW WHAT PEOPLE ARE MOANING ABOUT. HORSE IS SERVED ABROAD AS A DELICACY. PROBABLY IN FRENCHLAND. JUST REBRAND TESCO VALUE BURGERS AS LE BURGER AVEC LA VIANDE DE CHEVAL AND JACK THE PRICE UP, RATHER THAN CRYING OVER BLACK BEAUTY INNA BUN!

   AND WHAT IF IT'S MORE THAN JUST TESCO? WHAT ABOUT MY LIDL PONY BURGERS? WHAT ABOUT OTHER TYPES OF EQUINE CARNIVORIAL FEASTAGE? WILL WE NO LONGER BE ALLOWED THIS MAGNIFICENT MOUNT'S MEAT:

   THERE COULD ALSO BE A VEGITARIAN OPTION OF UNIQUORN TOO! AND WHY NOT DIVERSIFY INTO OTHER FANTASY FEASTS OF MYSTICAL MEATS? MMMMMMM - SOUTHERN FRIED PEGASUS WINGS!
   UNLESS, OF COURSE, THIS HAS ALL BEEN ANOTHER AURAL MISPRINT, AND THE BURGERS HAVE BEEN TAINTED WITH WHORE'S MEAT IN SOME SWEENEY TODD/MRS LOVETT SCENARIO. IN WHICH CASE, WE SHOULD BE WORRIED. WHO WANTS AN HERPESBURGER WITH GONORRHEA RELISH?

² AS OPPOSED TO CAMEL HOOF, WHICH I SHOULD HAVE MENTIONED TO THE POUNDLAND PRETTY FOR HER ATTIRE UPON THE MORROW...