I fear I may have more than embarrassed meself last night!
Started off well - got to the City, and the barbabe in the Coats & Whore's Ears used her fanny magnet to draw me off route and quaff ye mulled cider.
Blissfully warm, I arrived, and presented with a shot of sloe gin, before kicking back with a bottle of Sailor Jerry Spiced Rum!
After almost half a bottle of neat rum, it was time to pep it up a bit. So, to take the firey edge off, some Dr Pepper mixer was added.
And then my Polish Pretty arrived, and instead of the expected sensual scrotal stimulation, a half glass of potent Polish Zubrowka vodka was added.
And then Conor McLoud of the clan Angry Penis insisted that I top it up with a shot of sloe gin!
And Hey Pesto! Instant Nail Varnish Remover!
Things got somewhat messy after that!
And they said I was pissed - it wasn't me who thought it would be a good idea to turn my Xmassy Barnett into a game of Ker'Plunk!. Feck knows what they used for marbles...
...yikes! So THAT's what Polish Pretty was up to in me trousers!1
Despite the impressive drunken status, I feel fine today, although my legs are still a bit inebriated. I put it down to the meandering walk that got me home. Eventually. Bloody council, I know they've taken to turning the street lights off at night, but do they really need to keep moving the pavements about?
Honestly, what's the point of randomly switching pavements and roads - not to mention having walls on springs that unexpectedly jump out at you? And they wonder why the economy is up the shitter!
1 #WISHFULTHINKING
