Monday, 7 January 2013

Choc, choc, don't eat the choc...

Yay! First day back at work, and I already has had generic waste and vitrolic abuse flung at me by the Iceland tramp.

Anyhoo, coz Holidayz is over, it's time for Xym to get in shape. Again...

So, last year, I aimed to lose [umpteen] stone to get slim & trim and stuff, and ended up losing just Arthur Stone, and continued to gorge on pies, choclit and fizzy.

But no mores! THIS year is THE year! And am doing well thus far.

After avoiding the litter wielding bellowing Knight Of The Road, one had to partake of the obligatory Starbucks... but all my Pretties has gone! Only über-legs seems to remain. And none of my passing Pretties are passing either! A clear case of mass Starbucks/Xym avoidance resolutions being made this year!

Anyhoo, I managed to leave Starbucks and totally escape the clutches of Greggs! No Cornish Pasty/Steak Bake/Corned Beef Slice nor sausagey roll today!

And I also scootled passed Poundland, and purchased not Team Jelly Babbies and other diverse confections for throughout-the-day scoffage.

And what's more... I even managed to bypass the Newsagents! No Doctor Pepper, Bacon Wheat Crunchies, Cadbury Caramel and Snickers Duo today!

Go me!

And then comes lunchy munchy timie! What's on the Menu?

Beef Korma, Rice & Naan. Chilli Chickpea & Coriander Cakes with salsa, wedges and onion rings. Chicken Breast with sweet spud mash & Star Wars rodents (Rats on Tatooine).

And did Xym partake of curry, rice, naan with a side order of Onion Rings?

Amazingly not - I got away with a cup of Ham & Sweetcorn chowder!

And soup being no longer self service, the staff don't even swish the soup, so all the Ham & Sweetcorn has sunk. They simply dip the ladle in the top and pour 2½ scoopfuls of grainy water in!

So, an even healthier cup o'gruel!

And because Costa Fuckoffee have a franchise, it was served in one of them paper cups with a branded lid. And, naturally, on my lunch break and physically getting exercise by not eating at me desk, suddenly - I heard a rapping, as of someone loudly tapping, tapping on a Starbucks window.

So, being a rebel, I popped in for a chat with Margherita, and drank my Aviva watery fluid with Costa Packet plastered all over it in Starbucks!

Mwah ha ha ha ha!

And, naturally, because I'm all geared up for diet mode (and a-walking in/out tomorrow), qu'elle surprise. There's been an office shufty, and someone don't wanna sit next to me no more, so there's a spare desk to my right...

...now apparently designated "chocolate desk", where someone has opened a HUGE box of decadent choclits.

Right next to me.

Whoring it in their shiny wrappers and affrodisiac1 aroma.

Quietly whispering "eat me, eat me" like some cunnilingual quim obsessed choclit clit.

Or something.

But I SHALL defy the call of the orgasmic rush of cocoa based products!

But I soooooo want choclit right now. I'm ever so hungry, with naught to look forward to but a big pot of Onken yoghurt for tea with a coconut sesame snap...

no, choclit, NO!!


[edit] Fucksicles. Some fat fucker has fucking purchased fucking doughnuts because the fucking fat fucker was in fucking Greggs and now the fucking fattening feastables are right fucking behing me! Now I has sugary jammy doughballs to contend with. Beckoning me to motorboat them before ravishing them down in an orgy of gorging and gobbling. But I shall resist... I shall... I...

I shall struggle somewhat in the presence of afternoon delights...


1 MAKES YOUR HEAD STAND UP IN A BIG BUSH. PROBABLY.