It's too semeny for crows...

It's just for me & mah dawg (I won't be your dog!). We all adore-a, a dog whorer. 

or Dora The Sexplorer. or something.

Fit as a butcher's dog? Well, if you think a butcher's dog is, like, well fit innit, gawd knows what you think about yer girlfriend's puppies!

As one young man in Louth ejaculated in disbelieving exclaim: "Well, bugger me old brown dog..."

...before putting it into action.

What amazes me about this story is the line:

"Mitigating, Gordon Holt said the starting point for this offence was a community order"

What sort of Justice Of That There Peace issues a community order to commence canine copulation? And how is that mitigating circumstances for raping your girlfriends pet?

I've heard of some couples allowing Dogging to 'spice up their relationship', but humping a hound is a tad extreme. Even for a Channel 4 Exposé.

Or You've Been Framed, getting £250 for his mobile movie of mounting a mastiff. or something.

Next on Jeremy Kyle... Did My Uncouth Louth Youth Sexually Satisfy Staffies In Skegness? She's desperate to find out if her boyfriend has cheated with her man's best friend. It's a life changing decision for her, and it's make-or-break time with those all impotent lie detector results coming right up after the break.

"Admit it. You had sex with her dog, didn't you. You know what I think? I think you need to man up and grow a pair. Wake up and smell the coffee, my friend. Stop cheating on her with the dog, give up the drink & drugs (cans o' piss) and get a job! Coz I'll tell you this, when this goes out, no-one will touch you with a barge-pole. You're a dirty little bestiality obsessed liar, and she's better off without you. Of course she'll be a better Dad than you - she doesn't have sex with dogs you dirty pervert!"

Stu, did you know, Stu, that a chihuahua's chuff is literally... as tight as a chihuahua's chuff...