Damn, them Swiss greybeards are at it again!
Not content with finally finding long-lost-at-sea Higg's Bo'sun, they've been tinkering about with them there black holes again.
Once more, they've been up at the CERN Abba's giant, and firing Benny and Björn's knackers at each other in the hope of reigniting their career. And a black hole.
A black hole to suck down Volkwagen Lupos, leaving naught but a 15ft Event Whore Eyes on a gravity well leading down into Infernis and a nudie Dr a Grant off of Jurassic Park.
So the police sensibly cordon it off and provide safety advice!
Like what safety advice can you possibly give? Please do not ignore the cordon, leap over the barrier and throw yourself down into ye bottomless black abyss you dumb fucks?
Safety advice my arse! "Ooooh look, a cordoned off 15ft hole in the road! Why, I simply must vault that barricade and plunge into oblivion as no-one has provided any sensible advice as what to do when facing a blocked off descent into doom!"
Now, them Australians, they give proper sensible safety advice. Such as don't play truant:
Ah, I remember bunking off (well, popping off to the nearby village in the free period before lunch to see who could eat a litre of ice-cream the fastest - me, obvs!). However, I don't recall the way to the ice-cream shop being seeded with landmines whilst we feasted on creamy goodness.
Then again, I don't recall my schoolmates being as hot and horny as these bronzed beauties. Apart from Helena Seddon, who wasn't horny but oh so very hot in 6th form.
I remember a few students getting told off for urban surfing, and a car of friends got wiped out on a truancy drive, but I never encountered land mines on the school trip to Lyme Regis. Or was it Bognor Regis
Well, no way am I camping out at a beach party on Waxham Waxhoff beach now! Oh, how I wished I'd listened to media diva spermbank Lady Die when she snuck out on secret pre-arranged media photoshoots on the evils of landmines in soup kitchens. or something,
But no, I ignored her pleas, and now it's National Sickie Day. I pity those who have a job, skiving off to Loo'stahhft and Great Y'ha-nthlei to get blown off in the sand dunes.
And then get blown up as they wander the sandy shore of explosivity.
