If someone is as thick as two short planks, then I'd like to know some details of the length & depth of these here planks.
If the planks are quite short, they can't be all that thick, for then they'd cease to be planks - more like a block than a plank.
In addition, when you put 2 short planks together to gauge their combined thickness, then surely what you have is a fairly thin rectangle, which can't exactly be a fair measue of intellect.
Also, how does someone who's as thick as two short planks compare to someone who's as thick as pigshit? And what about the consistency of the porcine poo? What if they've got the squits - it would be like saying someone's as thick as runny soup in piggery faecal terms.
And don't get me started on some gormster being Hard As Nails - that stuff's like pollyfilla until it sets. And Ronseal doesn't do exactly what it sez on the tin, coz Ron never turns up to do any sealing - just varnishing and wotnot. And YOU have to do even that, bloody lazy fecker that he is, selling his farmery burgers and his 4-minute-wait fillie of fish.
That's not a painted smile, that's the ketchup off've his Big Mac burger, and his pale face is due to constantly throwing up his very healthy and nutricious burgery dishes.
I wonder if Big Mac is any relation to Daddy Mac, and if he makes you jump...
