...don't leave me hangin' on, like a bad cough
There's nowt worse than coming home at 4:30 and discovering that thanks to Ms Baldy Porters strained flatulence, your clambering foliage support has gone all awry.
It's no fun having to be out in the icy winds, trimming your top heavy bush, and then having to get your tool right into it and start banging away at your wood.
And fixing the trellis ain't fun either! (boom boom!)
It's cold outside, but it's warm in bed. And parents of underage strumpets are up in arms, for Woolies have introduced a bed aimed at their little scrubbers. And what name have woolies come up with for the pre-pubescent little madams?
The Lolita Midsleeper Combi.
Now, I've heard of this Lolita. A Lolita is some 12 year old girl being nobbed by Jeremy while he does his ironing. Woolies have now hastily withdrawn this model, under the pretext that they were totally unaware of the connotations associated with the word Lolita.
Exactly how you can be unaware of said connotations, yet manage to link a term for underage sexually promiscuous trollops with the selling of beds aimed at underage kids (who, it is claimed, are probably engaging in teenage pregancy practice these days), is beyond me!
I'm thinking of going on Dragons Den. I have this idea for "Proverb Pants!". Aimed at young ladies, they'd have a fetching thought embroidered upon them, such as "The bird in your hand needs two up her bush".
Completely free of any sexual connotations whatsoever!
