I was totally bemused by the job dodgers on the daytime telly today. A 10 second rumble in the night, and it's Keep The Kids Off School, The Wife Was In Tears Having Hysterics, and I Rang The Police To Get Them To Arrest Gaia.
The cleaning woman at work was having a right old hissy fit! Apparently, England can't get Earthquakes, and was screeching about how she couldn't understand what was going on.
That's probably why her education suited her to such a profession then!
There were those who thought the noise was their washing machines - now, I'm no expert, but surely washing machines aren't as loud as 'quakes, nor make the whole house vibrate! (and just who does their washing at 1am when they're in bed, knowing the drum bangs like a banger banging on a bangy thing?)
Then there were those who thought it was very noisy burglars. I don't watch crimwatch, but I will now - just in case they feature a burglar with a DIY 'quake kit to mask his purloining of the family jewels!
Of course, clever folk like me instantly thought "oh, minor earthquake", saw no damage and went off to bed.
And now it's the talk of the town - all this gumph about mantle shifts, tectonic plates and opposing forces. Shirly Holmes said that the most likely solution is the most probable. I've seen To The Earths Core, so I know for a fact that it was caused by a couple of frisky Emily Brontesauruses having a bit of rubby fun and cracking their oversized craniums on the 'surface' (our ground) and knocking a vase over in Grimsby!
Or, it could have been a 100ft tall invisible giant trekking from Grimsby over to Norwich in a single bound in his seven league boots!
Then again, according to Tagliatelli, there was a baby born in Peters Bra, and the second they cut the umbilical cord, Armageddon began! Proof indeed that the Antichrist has arrived! Not only that, young girls were being bounced about on their beds, reminiscent of Regan.
Although what The Sweeney were doing with the Blair Bitch is anyone's guess!
