God diggity damn it!
Today is me Mum's 60th Birthday (Happy Birthday Mum!).
Now, my original plan was to fly up to Manchester, and surprise her by a rare visit Oop North on her milestone Birthday. Unfortunately, I arranged it with my retard of a brother!
"Now, bro. It's mum's 60th. I'm thinking of taking the week off, and flying up as a surprise. You got anything special planned - it IS her 60th after all."
"Well, there's not much point. She's off travelling again. She's booked another trip abroad. She wants to spend it in the sun, seeing some Wonder Of The World."
"Bugger! Oh well, at least I can plan that week now."
"Yeah, I'll let you know if we plan to arrange a meal or something when she gets back."
So, this morning, I texts me mum.
"Wherever you are in the world, Happy 60th Birthday Mum!"
And I gets the reply...
"Thank you Xymon. I'm just getting ready for work."
Eh, whut?
Getting ready for WORK? She's supposed to be tomb raiding the fleshpots of Beduin tents and bartering for camels by the Aztec pyramidical Gate Of The Sun near Sexywoman1 with that macho Pikachu. or somewhere equally exotic! Not getting ready to go to work.
Well, thanks Brother! Now, either:
(a) My Mum thinks I've forgot her Birthday (as I haven't even sent a card yet, thinking I'd wait till she got back from the Amazon Rainforest pygmy huts of Babylon, or wherever).
or;
(b) She's expecting me to make a surprise appearance at her Birthday meal, coz for her 50th, I called from Norwich, so she thought I was here, and didn't know I was flying up to get to the meal. And now she'll be disappointed I ain't there.
Either way, I look like a right disappointing cunt of an offspring.
1 IT'S ACTUALLY CALLED SACSAYHUAMAN, BUT IT'S PRONOUNCED SEXY WOMAN. PROBABLY COZ OF ALL THEM FOREIGN TOLTEC/OLMEC PREUVIAN PRETTIES PARADING ROUND THE JUNGLE WITH THEIR JUGS OUT AS THEIR BAZINGAS BOUNCE ABOUT DURING FRENETIC DANCE. I DON'T REMEMBER THAT IN THE AZTEC ZONE OF THE CRYSTAL MAZE! CONTESTENT BARING THEIR BAPS FOR CRYSTAL JEWELS. THIS IS A 3 MINUTE ON-THE-GAME AND AUTOMATIC LOCK IN TILL MUMSEY PIMPS YOU OUT AGAIN. OR SOMETHING.
