Oooooh!
*Raises handbag to neck*
Oooh la la!
Oh dear. I'm in Starbucks with your friend.
Wotcha gonna do?
I bet you REALLY want to talk to him, but I'm there. And you loathe me1! How awkward!
Oh, here you come with your coffee... you gonna stop, say hi on way out, or blanks us competely?
Ah, stop to talk whilst completely blancking me! Not even the slightest glance in my direction - just be as obvious as possible that I'm not there.
Oh, and stress how you're seeing our mutual friend on Sat. Frequently.
It really does surprise people how truly hated I am! Everyone seems to think I'm one of the nicest, kindest, most wonderful people ever to walk the Earth, and then they get to see the inexplicable disgust directed towards The Xym!
THIS is why The Xym remains ever single - I seem to inspire an irrational loathing in Pretties towards The Xym... and I don't have to do anything to warrant it!
Apart from lech.
And wraggle me fingers in Rik Mayall Stylee.
And go "Phwoar!", "Hrrrwwwwrrrouggghl" and "Oh my! Pretty!" a lot.
And run from Pretties in fear through a lack of confidence.
And being a short, fat, gothboy with preposterous hair and an array of accoutrements as armour to hide behind, not withstanding: the ludicrous shades, the ridiculous 'tache, the suave pipe, the bells, scarves, feathers, and soon-to-come improbable animatory eyespex!
But surely, that's no reason to hate The Xym...
...is it...?
1 THIS IS ACTUALLY TRUE. THE HATE HATH BEEN ADMITTED UPON CHALLENGEMENT, AND IT NOT FOR WHAT I THOUGHT (THE LECHING AT STARLIGHT EXPRESS TYPE PRETTIES), ALTHOUGH THE REVELATION CAN'T BE RECALLED BY THOSE WHO FINALLY PRISED IT OUT OF HER.
