Jim'll sex it for you...

Is it just me, or are these allegations about Sir Jimmy becoming somewhat less than credible?

First of all, there were some accusations, which were dismissed through no evidence. Now a tellyshow comes along with some attention seeking celebrity cash-in others claiming assault in the BBC dressing rooms.

Then Philip Scholfield says he worked in that building, and no-way would you be able to rape schoolgirls without being interrupted.

Then more women come forward with what they had to go through to get a Jim'll Fix It medal.

"Oh, goodness gracious me. I have here, a letter, from a young girl. Dear Jimmy, can you fix it for me, to lose my virginity, backstage behind the set of Top Of The Pops. Now then, I can sex it for you - come to my hotel room you slaaaaag!"

And suddenly, there were lots of allegations, so perhaps there was something in the claims.

But now we're up to 120 cases!

Hmmm... this is getting slightly unbelievable now...

What's this news - Jimmy Saville, Gary Glitter and Freddie Starr ran a pædo ring at the BBC?

And now they're saying he took people from Stoke Mandeville. Out of their beds and off for the rapeage, like some Freddy Kruger type predator?

Often while staff looked on. Staff who were too shocked and disgusted that all they could do was stand there and tut about it¹ and say nothing to anyone... until they could get some limelight / fame / money from the media now because they were too scared of the walking weakling of skeletal proportions.

And now they're saying he was in Jersey at Haut de la Garenne? The now legendary children's home & abuse scandal that claimed buggered boys were buried in the basement amidst the infamous coconut shell? They're linking him to that too!

And what's this - more revelations of depravity outlined in that Paragon of Virtue The Daily Jugs. And just what is so obscenely, despicably vile that it's outraged even The Scum?

The wind blew some tart's skirt up and he was ogling her legs!

Oh noes... where does that put The Xym! I'd better put them wriggly fingers away and poke me eyes out before I'm arrested for leerage! Especially as I'd be hunting for camel amongst the atmospheric airflow upskirteries, rather than xymply leering at legs...

But further relevations today! Apparently, he creept into hospickles like Leeds General Infirmary in the dead of night to molest, rape and murder! or something.

Whatever next?

I suspect the increasing believability of the claims has only one place left to go...

I Was Raped By The Ghost Of Jimmy Saville!
Despite his death, claims against the popular entertainer continue to surface. However, in a twist to the current investigation, it appears the charity fundraiser is continuing to posthumously prey on new victims from beyond the grave. Mary, who was 12 at the height of his pervy prowess in the '70s, was recently penetrated by his poltergeistly penis and impregnated by his ectoplasmic ejaculate. Now, she's gestating his ghoulish ghostchild in her belly. "All I wanted was for him to sex it for me to be on Most Haunted" she alleged today. Derek Acorah commented on the claims: "Well, we all know Mary loves Dick. We just didn't know it was Jimmy's dick she was eventually forced to love. Against her will". Yvette Fielding was unavailable for comment, as she was in the midst of being spectrally sexually stimulated by the Saville succubus behind the Blue Peter sofa in every orifice, as his metaphysical form has adapted into its narutal form of a betentacled hentai rapebeast. Police are blaming the removal of his tombstone for allowing his unquiet spirit to rise. A police spokesman issued this warning: "We are aware of the Rise Of The Restless Pædo. We therefore ask the public to be vigilant on marathon routes. Intellegence leads us to believe that the ghostly groper has a distinctive sound. Instead of the rattling of chains a-la Bob Marley in A Christmas Carol, please keep your ears open for the jingle jangle of gold necklaces and bracelets creeping up behind you before he pops a paranormal cock in yo' ass.".

"Now then, Now then, jewellery jewellry, kiddly fiddly, pearl necklace..."

...and the band was... Showaddywaddy Gary Glitter and the Glitter Band!

Remember this video? The latter verses in particular seem somewhat apt, in light of recent allegations...

[EDIT]: Seems there WAS one more place left to go... latest news: Sir Jimmy owned the keys to high security Broadmoor, where he would walk in whenever he wanted to use a girl as as a piece of meat for his sexual gratification, whilst the other girls sat around ignoring the nightdress fiddlings by watching television.

Seems to me that Serial Seductor Saville had the freedom and keys of every Hospital, Loony Bin, Children's Home, Orphanage & Dressing Room in the UK! Nowhere is safe pædo presenters!

Sounds legit to me! Especially as some are seeking wodges of wonga from various institutions in compensation, because they are motivated by justice, not tonnes of free cash.

[EXTRA EDIT - Many moons later!] Want the latest? Jimmy Saville led groups of 11-15 schoolgirls into his dressing room, where they would sit around watching Freddie Starr grope one of 'em up as Gary Glitter raped a 13yr old on the sofa, whilst outside, Dave Lee Travis was molesting Nick Kershaw and Sandi Toksvig.
Well, I believed every word... right up until the claims that The Hairy Cornflake was touching up Number 73's resident rugmuncher. Sandi Toksvig? These men are seriously sick - stooping down to Toksvig levels! Out of all the tellytotty out there, they settle for that? I know things were culturally different in the 70s/80s, but heck, even them Carry On Sexually Harassing Womens films, typical of attitudes at the time (and are probably about to be sued by the women in them), didn't sink that low. OK, they may have had Sid James laughing pervily and goose-ing Bernard Bresslaw in a dress, but... Sandi Toksvig?

Sounds even more legit to me!

[EXTRA EDIT - Even later than the previous many moons later!] Even more clearly believable claims! Apparently, Jimmy Savile now crept into morgues for some neckromantik lovin'. Yes, even dead kids aren't safe from his wandering nob! And today... oh, today! Now he was running his pædo ring from Number 10 Downing Street via Prime Minister's Aides. Or the PM gave Jimmy Aids. Or Jimmy was infecting the country's leaders kids with aids. or something. I don't know - I give up giving credence to most of this tosh now. It's swiftly becoming the UKs Salem Witch Trials-By-Media.

Honestly, with all the rapey gangbanging necrophilia he was sneaking aroung the UK day ant night in hospitals, morgues, asylums and recording studions, I'm surprised he had any time for any Radio Shows, TV Shows, charity fundraising events, etc 

¹ NOT LIKE THEY WOULD TODAY. TODAY, THEY'D PROBABLY WHIP THEIR PHONE OUT, AND VIDEO IT FOR UPLOADING ONTO NUDETUBE OR SOME SUCH "FOR THE LULZ". POSSIBLY.