The Blue Eye of the Ginormous Scaly God...

What do you call a fish with no eye?

Apart from One Eyed Willy¹.

The answer is, of course, a swordfish.

A swordfish?

That great huge feck off giant Floridian eye (which is actually west, not North of Kathmandu².)? That big blue ocularity of mysterious origin of such mammoth dimensions it could only have come from an aquatic mammoth, Architeuthis Dux, Cthulhu himself, or a sub-aquatic pod³ person from the planet Mars?

They're trying to pass it off as a swordfish?

Now, I only watched it once, but as far as I can remember, John Trevolting, Vinnie Jones and Huge Actionman had regular eyes, and Halliberri just flopped out her mammarial flotation devices. Apparently.

It buggers belief, that no matter what the evidence is for Space Monsters, Loch Nested Monsters, 51 Arials and reptilian royalty, some greybeard will try and blag it through with some unlikely mundane explanation.

Never mind the direct path that the Cloverfieldesque behemoth took to get into the the Florida beach. A straight line goes from the discovery point through Louisiana (Swamp Things!), Dallas (Poison Dwarfs!), New Mexico (Roswell!) dips a toe in Phœnix (Fawkes!), the toe of the other foot tests the waters of Utah (Saints!), before arriving at the origin point: Nevada (Area S1!).

So, quite clearly, some back engineered mutation escaped from Simon Groom Lake, rampaged through Utah & mistaken for angelic beings of alien origin, ducked through Arizona & confused with birds of flame, tried to find it's ancestors crashed disk and identified as a big bug-eyed grey in Nude Mexico, through Texas (where everything is bigger, especially the eyes. But not Poison Dwarves), tromped through the bogs of New Orleans and taken for Alec Holland (And while we're deep in banjo & bayou country, didn't John "Hellblazer" Constantine witness a bloke being speared to death by a swordish on a car when looking up Alec & Abby? Probably noticing Abby had a purty mouth...), before swimming up to Tampa and being speared by Japanese whalers (who's musical career went South when Jacob marley died. Deep South. With the Southern Fried KKKFC chicken. or something.)

Hence its monstrous eyeball washing up and putting the wind up the locals.

As if all the world's experts would misidentify the Gaze Of Dagon as some poxy fishie.

Swordfish, my arse!

Literally, a cyclopean cephalopod of the colossal calamari persuasion!

It be ye all-ƒeeing eye of one ye minionƒ of ye greate olde ancientte onneƒ, and ye ƒtarreƒ are almoƒt right, and comme 21 Decemberre, they will aryƒe from ye tombƒ in yon depthƒ and throw a bit of a tantrum.

As you do, if you're a deity from the Dawn of Time and Space Beyond the Spheres.

¹ [SIGH] FISH. OUT OF MARILLION? DEREK W. DICK. DICK = WILLY. ONE EYED WILLY = COCK. OR THE PIRATE IN GOONIES. HEY YOU GUYS! TRUFFLE KNUCKLE SHUFFLE! OR SOMETHING...

² ACTUALLY, IT'S QUICKER TO GO EAST. YOU KNOW, MANY PEOPLE IN THE UK ARE WORRIED ABOUT BEING IN THE MIDDLE OF A NUCLEAR WAR BETWEEN AMERICA AND RUSSIA. THAT'S COZ THEY'RE STUPID. IF YOU MOVE THE MAP ALONG. SO THAT BRITAIN IS ON THE FAR LEFT (OR RIGHT), YOU'LL NOTICE THAT AMERICA AND RUSSIA ARE REALLY CLOSE TOGETHER, SO INSTEAD OF US BEING NUKED, THEY COULD ALL MEET UP IN THE CHUKCHI SEA FOR A PUNCH UP. PREFERABLY ALL THE FEMALE SOLDIERS. IN BIKINIS.

Standard map - look! There's the UK, slap bang in the middle!
What cunt put us there, right in the Fallout Zone?

But shunt the map over...
Russia:West, USA: East, UK: Well out of it!
and any nuclear winter falls in the North Pacific Ocean!
WIN!

 ³ AS IN A POD OF DOLPHINS. OR IS IT A SCHOOL? NO, PRETTY SURE IT'S A POD OF DOLPHINS. YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY - AS LIKE AS TWO BOTTLE NOSED DOLPHINIUMS IN A POD. PROBABLY.