Today, within our hallowed halls, there echoed the sounds of a Small Soft Hamish trumpeting away, and we recalled one of the best reasons work working out of them city.
The M&S Scotchman outside M&S!
There is a time and place for bagpipes – primarily on the Mull of Kintyre album which should never be let near a gramophone (although my phone's quite heavy at several grams).
Failing to be restricted to avoidable Wings collections, the time is Joolz Holland's Hootananny – although I'd prefer a Shootananny, preferably that trollop out of How You Solve A Problem Like Maria, easily solved by a driveby shootoin from a speedily passing goat.
Anyhoo, the only place bagpipes should be played is in a great big castle in the middle of some deserted highland, before a great roaring fire with a couple of crossed claymores above it. And an moose head on the wall. And dresssed in full regalia – A William O'Shatner on the noggin, a benedictine monk in your sock, Kilt and sporran (with full array of silver twiddly bits).
Such a combo inevitable leads to a impromptu Hogmanay to the tune of "Hoots Mon, There's Joose loose aboot this hoose" and much partaking of the Wine Gum (as The Scotch are well famed for excessive wine about the gums. And Whiskey.)
But it's not all Och Aye The Noo in the sweetie division. Oh no, Le Francais are well into their sugary treats, for they have devoted a whole commemoration to it, when Rowntree had a revolution against Basset (Frenchly pronounced Bassay).
Seems the french revolution was an uprising against the consumption of Jelly Babies in favour of the Fruit Pastille, and La Guillotine was used to behead jelly babies bonces (which leads to our current tradition of biting the heads off Jelly Babies). This overthrow of power is now celebrated as the Fête de la Fédération, or as we English say, Pastille Day.
Revolutionary biscuits of Italy, and now Revolutionary sweeties of France!
