Clearly I's be getsing old, for I clean forgot my recent brush with celebrity!
And it's not Basil.
Or Hellboy's dad.
No, it's Davros himself... only without his exterminatory carapace!
When returning from Peterkaysville, I had to stop at the train station to purchase ticketyboo papers of passage. Alas, I forgot about The Fry Up Inspector's post of Boltonian Brekkie and neglected to lard up and partake of the Worlds Biggest Breakfast.
Anyhoo, I gets to the counter, and whose there to issue me with a permissible travel slip? None other than STEPHEN HAWKING himself!
Now, many of you will picture a drooling mechanical soundbox in a davrosmobile with pop tartlet Stefani Midwitch writhing about on his lap, with a laptop on top of her lap laden with Londinium lookylikies of Boris Johnson licking her labial swipe card reader.
Or something.
Not so! For he was of a most ambulatory persuasion! Well, not so much dashing here and there, but enough to stand and move his robotic arm to pick up the cash and thence to the ticket machine...
Hold up a minute! Of course! He's not got multiple sclerosis at all (not even a single sclerosis) - he's just been skiving like Roy in The It Crowd! He's just nicked someone's wheelchair, curled up in it, put his ticket machine on the side and pretends it a talkybox!
Right - I'm ringing that benefits cheats helpline - there he is, hiring strumpets in skimpy nurses uniforms to "look after him" and getting a free council house and stuff on The Benefits, and when no-one's looking, he's off conducting on buses and trains. Strolling up and down carriages, typing destinations into his 'text-to-speech' keypad, and of his 'voicebox' printer comes a ticket!
The cheek of it!
And when he's not dispensing tickets, he's writing about wormholes and quantum physics tablets for his dishwasher! It's a right old disgrace.
Once again, It's one rule for academic crippleprofs, and another for agadoo chavscum!
