The inbred deformite denizens of Great Y'ha-Nthlei have once again arised from the depths, and taken to ye local market (for ye local yokels).
Last year, they tried to break the world record for the number of Wallies in one gathering.
A record you would think they would win hands down, gormsters that they are.
But they failed.
This year, the Lord Mayor of the watery deep has decided that his batrachian bathysphere brethren will once again dance their midnight rite in order to conquer the world.
And who be their Lord of the Dance?
None other than Black Lace!
Indeedy - no longer the hellish guttural chants of "Aï! Dagon!", it's "Aï Gadoo"! Pushing Pineapples and shaking trees with their bewebbed finlike fingers.
Clearly this is all in preparation for the 2012 Olympigs, when the melted icecaps flood Britain, and the mereyobs and merechavs of Great Y'ha-Nthlei will capitialize on the now-underwater stadium in the 100m Agadoo dash to the wedding reception disco floor to perform their record breaking moves of coffee grinding to the left (to the right, up and down and to the scales mid way down the tailfin).
Still - 375 amphibious townsfolk all shuffling to 80s novelty pop singles by flaming torchlight has to be a world record.
Shame Roy Sandcastle isn't on the beach blowing his own trumpet, tap-dancing with Ross & Norris McWhirter over a pint of Guinness.
Well, scaly fishfolk of Great Y'ha-Nthlei, you're only a step away from Anglian Railways and the other Black Lace hit "Chew, chew ,chew, c'mon and chew my conger*"
And no-one wants that - great fat blokes in gold leoturds, giving it the groin thrustage and the vast belly bounce. Urgh. * shudders *
Hot becamelled Pretties in skimpy lycra PVC leather teddies on the other hand...
"Chew Chew!!"**
* CONGER EEL, FRESH CAUGHT OFF CROMER PIER. NOT A EUPHEMISM FOR COCK. YOU DON'T WANT SOMEONE CHEWING YER COCK, GIVING IT THE MASTICATION AND LEAVING IT ALL MANGLED WITH TOOTHMARKS ALL OVER IT.
** WHICH IS ONLY EFFECTIVE WHEN SPOKEN BY A HOT PRETTY IN A SILKEN, SULTRY VOICE. PREFERABLY WHEN ABOUT TO EMBARK ON A WHITE KNUCKLE RIDE. WHICH IS ALSO A EUPHEMISM FOR A HAND SHANDY, WHICH IS ALSO PREFERABLE FROM HOT SULTRY SIRENS IN SILKY UNDERGARMENTS. OR SOMETHING.
