So, The Rapture returneth!
Mental God-Bother Harold Camping has now revised the Date Of the Apocalypse.
After a bit of fannying about with his abacus, he's calculated that he was only 5 months out, and The Rapture is actually due on October 21st 2011.
Shit buggery jizzbattered flangepaste! That means...
...I'll miss The Mission, Fields of the Nephilim and Gene Loves Jezabel gig on 22nd October at Brixton Academy!
I'm not having that! No way is angelic abduction going to disrupting my gothgeek concert plans!
I've read His Dark Materials - I'm launching a Lord Asriel style revolt against The Authority! Mother - Fetch me a screaming mob and a collection of Olympian Torches, we're off to storm the pearly gates!!
Wearing some Lynx Exite so we can give them seraphim hotties a pearly necklace on the way.
I note that Harold has decided to hide away from this furore with his missus, and is holed up in a hotel, getting in 5 months worth of dirty weekends before his ascent.
What the senile old gormster failed to realise, is that The Rapture DID happen on May 21st - it's just that no-one was worthy enough to be taken into heavenly glory.
After all, the combination of commandments and deadly sins are designed to exclude everyone from glorious good times. Proud to be a Christian? Ha! Pride is one of the seven deadly sins, so no heaven for you! It's down below to the furnace and the pitchfork up the bum!
Or having to continue to live everyday, toiling away for pennies in a hot stuffy office with a rooftop view when the sun is shining and there's lots of pretties outside about in light summer frocks, eating ice creams that drip onto their neck and slowly slide teasingly down their kle'varge...
I'm so going to the Special Hell...
