Latest news on the rise of the slaughterous salad from the BBC.
Apparently, women are more at risk from what they're calling the 'sexist' veg.
Well, what do you expect from a self pleasuring phallic substitute.
And whilst Europe cowers from cucumber carnage, who's in charge of stopping the garden guerilla insurgents?
Only Berliner Dr Ulf Goebel!
And wasn't he one of them SS Nazi Third Reich medical experimentary types? A-ha! Concentration camp killer chimeras of cucumber and carrot!
As The Green rampages through World Veg War II:
Germany
Consumers told not to eat cucumbers, lettuces and raw tomatoes.
Sweden
One death and 36 wounded, linked to travel in northern Germany.
Spain
Top European cucumber producers threaten to seek compensation from the European Union for lost vegetables sales.
Russia
Bans all cucumbers, tomatoes and fresh salad
Czech Republic & France
Cucumbers removed from sale
Austria
Bans sale of cucumbers, tomatoes and aubergines
Belgium
Bans cucumber imports
Netherlands
Halted all cucumber shipments
Denmark
Testing cucumbers for mutant contamination strains
Great Britain
No action. Damn you Camelegg for complacency in the face of The March Of The Killer Cucumbers*.
* A JOVIL JSPHT EARLY REJECT
