Alas, there's no such thing as cold callers any more. They used to call it a cold, but now they calls it "Man-Flu".
Man-Flu is named after psychotic mandarin madman Flu Manflu, fraudulent psychic who used hypnotism, magic, misdirection and suggestion (with no stooges involved - they went on to support Iggy Pop and his diving on glass career) to convince people of his telepathatory mental prowess and thence to dominate the world.
However, he escaped the justice of James Randi, cut off his droopy 'tasche and trimmed his beard into a weeny tuft, called himself Derren and Clouded Mens Minds into thinking he was a British debunker.
Fraud (HUHR!)
What it is good for?
Scamming grieving widows
Say it again, Ah said
Fraud (HUHR!)
What it is good for?
Not foreseing the credit crunch and relieving gormsters of their hard earned inheritance pennies, thus rendering them more vulnerable to austerity measures.
"Ok Xym, " spake certain others, "so maybe baby mind reading is a little too far, but what about pet mind reading? Surely you can make a quick buck doing that! Or is that what the dog whisperer does? ManBearFlu possibly?"
ManBearFlu? Ewww! I'm not one for having bare men give me Suffocatory Tightening Influenza with their bear hugs! Crushing me ribs with their ursine strength and deading me. I's rather get one of them STIs off've BareMaidens.
Or something.
Besides, a quick buck on pet whisperage would be StagFlu (stage 3 of StagFlu being imprisoned in a WWII POW camp run by The Luftwaffe, which is Boris Johnson speak for Ping Pong). That said, I don't think you can catch StagFlu, because a fast buck is well, fast. Especially them gazelles and Antenatalopes.
Of course, you can protect yourself from psychic scaremongery by the construction of the tinfoil hat, which foils (you see what I did there!) the evil machinations of them telepathetics and air-loom operators.
However, you'll still be at the mercy of them Remote Viewers. They'll still be able to beam horrendous visions into your peepers and force you to commit outrageous acts against thy will. And on top of that, they can take control of yer oculars to give people Evils - and YOU'LL get punched in the face for THEIR witchy-woman sorceries!
There's only one way around it - make a foil hat by all means... but make it a PIRATE HAT! Not only that, make yourself a tin-foil eyepatch and you are fully protected by thems what will try and manipulate your mind and bend you to their will.
And being dressed as a pirate is cool. Especially pirate wenches.
Mmmmmmm... pirate wenches...
On the other hand, forget psychics - let's have more hot chic psychicks:
