C-3PO: It sounds dangerous.
Princess Leia: Who have they found to pull that off?
Apparently, Ewoks on the 7:55 London to Sheffied train!
It would seem that a diminutive LucasArse lecher got on the train, and sat next to a 17yr old Pretty.
Star Whores in the wrong place AT:AT the wrong time.
Not being sat opposite, ideas of being short enough to get a glimpse of a Sharon Stone style "Chewbacca Yawn" from up her eye-level commandoed micro-skirt were thwarted... However, being alongside and being of gnomic stature, his head was about the level of her double Death Stars (admired by booty hunter Boobie Felt).
Dreaming of being a dyslexic dwarf that walks into a bra on the pretext of HowToFeelSue with XXX-Ray vision of her SeeThruPeeHole/Dark Vulva/Grand Muff Tarkin, he had ideas of a bit of wookie, and the little Luke Shywanker decided to have a bit of a Han(d) Solo and GoodOle CalOneOffTheWrisstian under his Jedi Juggling hat.
Presumably ending in a sticky Wicket.
For 30mins, the poor girl was trapped against the window, as the dark side diddler put her in fear of being ravished up her forest moon as he got his Endor away whilst grunting 'yub yub!' in orgasmic pleasure.
Or something.
30 mins! He didn't even speak to the lady - no engaging in harmless bantha for this tiny todger tosser! She should have given him a Wedgie Until-he's tossed off. Tossed off the train, that is, by the burly Stormtrooper ticket conductors.
And what was his excuse for frottaging his furry lightsabre just under the helmet, like some undersized OB WankOnBoobie?
He was too small to reach the luggage rack!
But the masturbatory midget's defence failed, and he'll be sentenced next week. The Judge is not without a sense of irony though, for he has announced that the Ewok could face a suspended sentence, or...
...a "short" jail term.
I suspect this has put him into a miserable mood, so he's probably feeling grumpy.
Which is even worse. Especially if Grumpy is groping Snow White at the time.
