...losing limbs, that is!
It's the first day of Summer, so I guess it's silly season in The Press. Surely on a summery solstice day, there has to be more news than:
PRIME MINISTERS CAT CATCHES MICE!
FERAL BRATS RUN AMOK IN PLAYGROUND AND FALL OVER!
Shock horror!
Cats! Catching Mice! Well, this is news to me, and I am outraged! Call out the RSPCA and charge these feline munchers of mouses!
Scummy mummies too busy gossiping whilst having a fag to supervise their brood, whilst their screaming kids tearing about the place with wild abandon fall over. I've never heard the like!
And one of them brats seems a tad too old to be playing in a childs playground to me. Teen EMO pædo, or just a big girls blouse with a plaster on his knee?
What next - President's dog chases cat? Chavscum mum shops at the 99p shop, coz Poundland is for That Posh Snooty Bitch in the flat opposite? Adult drinks a bottle of wine and gets inebriated?
"I fink it's wrong they sell booze an' that" said 23yr old Cantelle outside Lidl's this afternoon. "I drank the whole bottle, and was so drunk, I slightly bumped a shelf and got a bruise on me hip. The government should be doing their job properly. I had to go to A&E to pick up some Germolene. Now my babies fathers won't give me oral coz I stink of Dettol."
I know they must struggle for news now and then, but, really?
Read orl abaaahhht it! It's 'elf and safety and PC gorn maaaaaad, I tell thee!
