Tonight, I should be in Saaaaarf Laaaahndahhn, Standing by the Xerox machine and delivering a kick to a goody two-shoes as they strip for me.
Or something.
"Ohhh, tickety-boo availabubble!"
"Lemme see - OK I'll book meself a ticket!"
"Hold on - I may be able to get 'em cheaper by phone!"
"You sure?"
"Yep. Don't buy any yet"
...
"Right, tickets are cheaper and still availabubble. You still up for it?"
"Deffo."
"OK I'll ring 'em tomorrow".
...
"They've sold out"
"Dagnammit!!"
...
"Hi! I'm the Prettiest of your Harem, and I've just got my man a ticket for 55 squids on The eBay. There's another up - shall I bid for you"
"Yeah! How much?"
"18 squids at moment - what's yer top price?"
"70 squids. Or if you, my pretty, are also attending, £7,777,777 squids"
"Sorted. We'll let;s you know"
...
"Went for 72 squids"
Outbid by 2 tentacular aquaterries!
So instead, I'm sat alone, pondering new follicle arrangement, as on 1st Aug The Preposterous Hair is being dramatically topiaried down into something short, spiky and purple!
And to please the majority of pretties who prefer my ugly visage to be as obscured from view as much as possible, I'm sat straining my chin to force out another soupcatcher!
I may have to get the poster paint out, and daub one one for now, until I get a proper ZZ-Top beard!
