On the 13th day of Xmas
The Postman brought to me
My 'true love' in a pear tree
ParcelForce were soooo pissed off lugging 12 days worth of ludicrous items around Norwich, and I was pissed off with getting them, that they decided to have a lynching.
Thankfully, the Postie had more sense than the ex-True Love, and only lynched 1 instead of 13.
So, to celebrate, I'm having the ParcelForce crew over for a special Xmas lunch tomorrow. We're having Calling Bird Paté with boiled Goose Eggs Benedict followed by Roast Swan with all the trimmings.
Later, as we relax in the lounge, soothing music will be provided on Bagpipes and drums with 9 ladies lapdancing. Afterwards, the maids are being pimped out for 'a-milking' of the guests.
At the end of the evening, we will ceremoniously release all the remaining wildlife into Fiddlewood Forest, and instead of presents, the guest may take a scotsman, a drummer, a maid or a lady home.
I have no idea what happened to the Lords - must've leapt over the garden wall. As long as they don't come back, I'm happy!
THANK CHRIST THAT'S NOW OVER WITH! I APOLOGIZE FOR SUBJECTING EVERYONE THROUGH 13 DAYS OF SHEER TEDIUM.
I'LL START ON MY PROPER BLOG AGAIN TOMORROW. OR EVEN LATER TONIGHT!
