And then it's Xmas, where we'll be subjected to the obligatory animatory escapade that is The Snowman.
"But everyone LOVES that christmas classic" I hear you cry! But I have an issue with it.
And that issue is with that miner of the Not Poodle, Aled Jones, warbling that pile of Arse 'Wanking in the air". OK, I know it's not actually sung by the welsh castrati*, but some ugly choirboy whose visage whas so deformed he was excluded from TOTP for looking like the love child of John Merrick and Quasimodo.
The issue I have is with the main lyric, which by serendipity just happens to be the title.
"We're walking in the air..."
Now, you watch that pastelly plonker as the song goes through. Are they walking in the air? Are they buggery sod as like! They fly, glide, swoop and dive, but at no point in the film do they stroll through the sky like there was a road made from cloud.
I mean, how difficult would it be to sing "We're flying in the air..."? It's the same number of syllables, and fits with the flow and the visuals. Walking doesn't even fit! You sit there shouting at the the screen "You're not walking, you gobshite! You're flying!".
And it's so contradictory - "We're walking in the air, we're floating in the midnight blue" - Hold on! Are you walking or floating? There's a big different between lurching across the atmos, and levitating like the daily labia.
Perhaps it's some form of lucid dreaming of the astral projection of snowmen, and it's a metaphor. Maybe that scarf wot the Gobblin' King gave him was laced with some form of shamanistic trance inducing powder, so when he had a sniff of it, he had a major trip off've it!
Dance like the wolf!
Swift like the deer!
Soar like a snowman!
All praise Gitche Manitou!
A-hai-a-hai-ia-ho
Make it snow!
Oh pissflaps, it's pissing it down. Oh well, rain is only melted snow.
Anyhoo, I dunno wot the sprout was crying about when the Snowman melted into a pool of water. Ole Snowey could've come back like that bloke in X-Men. Or the T-1000! Shame T3 didn't feature the next model, the T-1001, made up from dry foam, muderously cleansing the carpets and removing the bloodstains from it's rampaging bloodbath.
Hey, that's a nice sleigh...
* AND HIS OTHER FAMOUS CASTRATI SONG
"WIN SPECIAL TICKETS TO THE X-FAC-TOR
INSIDE SPECIAL PACKS OF POOOOOT NOODLLLLLLLLLLLLE"
