...I ♥ U, yes I do, gonna spend all my money on ewes... nah! Stuff that! I'll spend all my money on ME!
I saw an ad on t'telly this arvo saying that 'I ♥ Huckabees' was on tonight, and the announcer called it 'I Heart Huckabees'. Now, I've noticed this amongst the young 'uns. I ♥ U, etc. Normally, these kids reckon it means ' I Luv You', which is a pile of rose tinted arse, cos it's a Heart. And Heart is an anagram of Hater, which when said in an eyetalian accent is Hate-a. AND Heart sounds very similar to Hate, so I reckon when people scrawl I ♥ U they're actually saying they HATE you, albeit in a phonetic and italian anagramatical fashion!
And ♥ also means arse, as it is a picture of a woman bent right over with her arse in the air. Or just an arse upsidey down.
Now, my sorry tale of woe went from bad to worse since Dame Fortuna decided she had it in for me, but I think Lady Luck has stepped in and decided to give Dame Forutna a damn good kicking right up the arse. In very tall, very pointy, stilettoes.
As it's Saturday, I was in yon City, and decided to partake of luncheon. Scoffing me Haddock & Chips outside The Guildhall, I see some friends o'mine... who didn't even stop and say hello! Missed me entirely they did!
Later on, I decided to have a look at that 'Xmas Fayre' up by The Forum. Yeah, not exactly an Xmas Fayre is it - it's the sodding French Market rebranded for Xmas! Although, one of them Germans snuck in, flogging Bratwurst and Mulled Wine, so that makes it a continental market. Or Xmas Fayre, if you prefer. But not an Eczema Faye - nowt but piles of E45 cream and Camomille tea.
Mulled wine - you certainly were a bit mulled after drinking that! Blimey - a couple of sips o' that and you're as pissed as a Lord! AND you're not allowed to leave the stall while you drink it, coz they ain't got a booze licence. And with a hot, steaming vat of hot alchohol in me mitts, once again I see those chums o'mine... who one again bounce past and ne'er give me a second glance!
For the best mulled wine, I'm sorry, but you have to trek all the way to sodding Camden Market at Xmas. That's just the best! Oooh, I can't wait for my Xmas Londinium trip...
Anyhoo, that's when Lady Luck took over. I got accosted by one of them haggard old trouts wot do them surveys near Debenhams. Now, normally, these ladies lead you up the stairs, bung you in front of a laptop for 20 mins, and you get free coffee and a pen. Not this time - I was promised a whole FIVE POUNDS just to answer a few Q's about landlines! Brill!
So, give a false name, address & phone no (coz I don't want to be perstered by surveys at home), do a little survey, and make a fiver out of it!
Which promptly got spent on sweeties.
So, my lucks on the up! Hopefully I'll gets to keep me job on Monday after the ReOrg, and it'll be wanton harlots leading me up the stairs instead of aged crones - and it won't be landline's they'll want to survey...
If you know what I mean (and I'm sure that you do)!
