Read on, and please, do have nightmares. Which you will do if you eat cheese before you go to bed. Which strikes me as a pile of arse - how can eating cheese make you go all dreamy. If I were eating cheese afore beddy-boh-boze, I'f fall asleep with cheese on my mind, with visions of angels in police uniforms giving me a right old seeing to in the cells.
Or something.
Anyhoo, on with the vulgarity, with additional cheese based waffle. Mmmmmm, Waffle House... Ham, Mushroom & cheese waffle, maple syrup milkshake, cherry & cream dessert waffle...
Sorry, back to the cheese!
Here's comes the hot cheddar (perv it up)
I'm a typical gormsta (perv it up)
pick da cheese up wit a long fork (perv it up)
love fondue like dat!
...And the best that Em Shite Charlatan could come up with blades of grass being pissed off, when there's people dying from telepathetic chedder forcing people to gorge themseves to death in Somerset.
And just here is this summer setting gorge of Cheddar? Why, it's in the Mendip Hills... and if men are dipping their nobs in the cheese, then it's very poor practice indeed. It's all very well having smegma stilton, but it's not very nice for the poor lady gorging on a cheddar chopper.
Cum to think of it, with all this foreskin feta going into the Wensleydale, poor old Wallace must have consumed a fair old amount of the stuff, which is virtually blowing off Victor Quartermaine in the wrong trousers, which makes him the only gay in the stop-motion animation studio.
Probably.
And why do people refer to cheese slices as plastic cheese? Ok, so the inpenetrable rapper is sort of plasticy, but the little covering envelopes encasing each slice are more like clingfilm, akin to each slice in it's little sleeping bag, all tucked up like a very flat (and very nudey) Spongebob NoPants.
But, like all entities who love their beds, it's a bugger to get them out! Open the flap (!), peel it back (oo-er!), and try and extricate the cheese (Oo-er Missus!). It's bloody nigh on impossible! OK, opening it up, and peeling the film back off one side - no problems... but now try and get that square off the remaining piece...
...disaster! Firstly, it will start to flop everywhere (!), but when you eventually prize if off the wrapper... damn! I't no longer square - there is a strip of cheese left behind right at the banjo. So, you put your no-longer-square cheese slice onto your toast, then remove the remaining strip of cheese... which prompty starts to collapse into bits which you try and get on your toast but it falls onto the cheese already melting on the toast and you can't even it out, and you end up serving a right pigs ear of a mess for tea!
And there's STILL a fine line of cheese left on the edge of the wrapper... so, do you bin it or lick it?
Well, I'm not licking anyone's cheese ridge, thank you very much!
