A space monster lacking it's hair
and in a pagoda
this charming chimp
Konnichiwa colobus!
Ah, the enlightened chinese - reknown for their supernatural superstitions, overpoliteness and embarassment, hentai tentacle porn and technological marvels.
But marvel at their takenological approach to hungry, hungry haplorhini, for they mistook them for Space Chimps!
Tarsiiformes - monkeys in disguise!
Behold - the alien invader:
AAAARRRGGH! E.T. go home, coz U.G.L.Y, u ain't got no alibi, u's UGLY!
Of course, being human, the first reponse to intergalactic gibbonry in a first contact situation is...
ARREST THE MONKEY!
And in revenge for Aids coming from monkeys in the first place, they started feeding it them there eColiflowered cucumbers. Yeah, take that eColi you man-bumming* babbons! That'll learn your ancesters for giving randy explorers HIV in their Amazonian jungle!
But this is China, so what to do with interplanetaty interlopers? How do you deal with Pod People from the planet Mars masquerading as monkeymen?
Fatten them up on peaches!
Mmmmmm... sweet 'n' sour simian a l'pêche**.
Just like The Great Sage, Equal of heaven! Pork up pongo pygmæus on the Jade emperor's three tiered levels of peaches of immortality and Lau Tzu's fountain of youth elixir pills!
Hold on...
The return of a demigod (or Buddha, if you prefer). The rise of the Antichrist in Harper Seven...
Ye Olde Apocalypʃe doth comme - now I'm definately defacating in my dungerees*** about December 2012!
* OI, GEOFF. BUMMERS ARE DEAF!
** A L'PÊCHE MEANING "IN THE SAUCE OF PESCI." JOE PESCI OUT OF GOODFELLAS. PROBABLY. ALTHOUGH WHY WISEGUY TOMMY DEVITO (FATHER OF DWARVEN DANNY) WAS SPURTING SPERMYNESS OVER SPACE SIMIANS WITH SWEET AND SOUR IS BEYOND ME. MUST BE ONE OF THEM ITALIAN MAFIOSI COOKING LIKE-A DA MOMMA USED-A DA MAKE-A.
HARRY HILL: YOU'RE A PISTOL, YOU'RE REALLY FUNNY. YOU'RE REALLY FUNNY.
DANNY DEVITO: WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M FUNNY?
HARRY HILL: IT'S FUNNY, YOU KNOW. IT'S A GOOD STORY, IT'S FUNNY, YOU'RE A FUNNY GUY.
DANNY DEVITO: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU MEAN THE WAY I TALK? WHAT?
HARRY HILL: IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW. YOU'RE JUST FUNNY, IT'S... FUNNY, THE WAY YOU TELL THE STORY AND EVERYTHING.
DANNY DEVITO: FUNNY HOW? WHAT'S FUNNY ABOUT IT?
BURT KWOUK: DANNY NO, YOU GOT IT ALL WRONG.
DANNY DEVITO: OH, OH, BURT. HE'S A BIG BOY, HE KNOWS WHAT HE SAID. WHAT DID YA SAY? FUNNY HOW?
HARRY HILL: JUST...
DANNY DEVITO: WHAT?
HARRY HILL: JUST... YA KNOW... YOU'RE FUNNY.
DANNY DEVITO: YOU MEAN, LET ME UNDERSTAND THIS CAUSE, YA KNOW MAYBE IT'S ME, I'M A LITTLE FUCKED UP MAYBE, BUT I'M FUNNY HOW, I MEAN FUNNY LIKE I'M A CLOWN, I AMUSE YOU? I MAKE YOU LAUGH, I'M HERE TO FUCKIN' AMUSE YOU? WHAT DO YOU MEAN FUNNY, FUNNY HOW? HOW AM I FUNNY?
HARRY HILL: JUST... YOU KNOW, HOW YOU TELL THE STORY, WHAT?
DANNY DEVITO: NO, NO, I DON'T KNOW, YOU SAID IT. HOW DO I KNOW? YOU SAID I'M FUNNY. HOW THE FUCK AM I FUNNY, WHAT THE FUCK IS SO FUNNY ABOUT ME? TELL ME, TELL ME WHAT'S FUNNY!
HARRY HILL: GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE, DANNY!
DANNY DEVITO: YA MOTHERFUCKER! I ALMOST HAD HIM, I ALMOST HAD HIM. YA STUTTERING PRICK YA. FRANKIE, WAS HE SHAKING? I WOULDA HAD HIM, IF IT WASN’T FOR THEM PESCI KIDS…
HARRY HILL: DANNY DEVITO, FAT CAN OF VIMTO. THAT'S HOW I REMEMBER. GOTTA HAVE A SYSTEM!
*** A SIMILE THAT CAN ALSO BE APPLIED TO THE SHITE AURALISMS POURING OUT OF DEXY'S MIDNIGHT RUNNERS MONSTROUS MUSICALITIES. MIDNIGHT RUNNERS ALSO BEING A EUPAMISM FOR THE SQUITS AT NIGHT.
