Bride: "Oh, you're invited to my wedding & reception!"
Xym: "Oooh thanks! I'll be there! When is it?"
Bride: "30th July."
Fearme Bottom: "Don't worry about it right now - I'll send you the details later"
Xym: "Coolage!"
Fearme Bottom: "Skills"
One week later....
Betty Rubble: "It's Rachel's wedding next week"
Xym: "Yeah - I've been invited too. Fearme Bottom's going to let me know all the details."
Betty Rubble: "St Andrews. I think it's in the afternoon. Not sure. I'll check at let you know."
One week later.... Wedding day...
Fatboy Xym tarts hisself up. Checks phone/fb. Still no details of wedding/reception. On the basis of "sometime today", installs his lardy butt in Starbucks to await textage of times or pickup on way.
The hours pass... do I text Fearme & Betty to check? No - what if Rach has regretted inviting a pervy porker, and has put the word out to keep sctum, and thus save Bridesmaids from finger flickering lechment? What if the wedding's started, and my text sets off telephonic ringtone interruption of the vicars oratory? Should I pop down to St Andrews every half hour on the off-chance of catching the wedding party?
Nah - Betty & Fearme won't forget about me! They'll let me know well before the ceremony starts.
Still times getting on a bit... still no text or facebook message...
Hold up - Shane's put some photos up a wedding he's been to! What a coincidence - I'm off to a wedding later! I wonder whose he went to...
Oh...
So Fearme and Betty deliberately withheld the start time of the wedding (not to mention reception details) so my vast troll-like stature and hideous visage did not ruin the beauty of a loving joining ceremony.
Well, as I've missed the wedding, and I have no details of when (let alone where) the reception is, I'm stropping off in a melodramatic fit of paranoid anguish to feed an comfort pies and take my loathesome presence to where it's aprreciated (in front of the telly)
Screw you guys - I'm going home!
