Bert and Ernie aren't getting married because "They remain puppets and do not have a sexual orientation."
Surely that's sexual discrimination - denying puppets the right to chose their own sexual deviancy.
OK, so certain finger(ing) puppet yellow bears named Sooty have a sexual-sadism streak with a fondness for slapping magicians around the face with pizza like some form of burrito bukkake. Yeah, Daniels, take that Meat Feast in the face! You'll like it - not a lot, but you like it you whore! As for you, The Lovely Debbie McGee, when's your Dolmio day, eh? If the painters are in and painting your rosebud red with your special internal Ragu sauce, I'll slap you with my spicy salami as Sue and Sweep beat your busoms with a garlic baguette. Izzy Wizzy let's get jizzy!
But I digress.
Apparently, there is an online petition calling for a Same-Sex Union of the two bachelors.
I don't see why they're so adverse to getting married - after all, they've been living together for 40+ years. And it's not like they need to come Out Of The Closet, as (being puppets) they've had Jim Henson's hand up their puppety posterior for years.
And that's FISTING, that is!
I reckon the real reason Ernie won't marry Bert is because of Bert's Psychopathical tendancies.
Check out the evidence here.
Whispering in the ear of Bin Laden. Goading Gadaffi Duck. Turning Elmo EMO.
And people want Ernie to marry that evil tyrant?
Sure, Bert looks like the long suffering downtrodden put-upon housemate... but we all know who really wears the trousers of the Nazi uniform in that relationship!
