So,
Yesterday morning, I texts anniversarial congratulations to my chumblies. and they responds with suprise trip to Londinium (to loot Heat Magazine!).
And attend the ravey gravey dancey trancy blippy bloppy glo-stick waving whistle blowing' clubland that is Ibiza in Das Kapital of Löndøn. £5 entry, 10p,-5am, and it's Smart Casual dress.
So, a quick get-out-of-work-early clause, a bit of tartage uppery, and off we go!
Driving through the blackened, burnt out streets of London to find Victoria Station (prefer to be hunting down Victoria Coren for the raping and pillaging amidst the rioting crowd, but you can't have everything!) and running afoul of the one-way system, but still arriving 2 hours early, so off to be ripped off by toilet attendants in Maccy D's for pee-payments! 30p!
And then you turns up on the door at 10pm and...
...they don't open till 11.
And when they do open and you've been scanned into their database, you're scammed on the drinkage - £3.70 for a weeny can of Red Bull that costs 99p in a normal shop!
And the clientelle - not much in the way of wall-to-wall pretties whose back doors I'd smash in during a riot, but even with new hair, I'm some form of man-magnet!
After only 2 songs of grooving away to David Nutella & Fried Eggs (or some such), there's burly beefcakers begging Lady C for an introduction to the most fabulous man with the fantastic hair, before trying to change the shaking of hands into one of them man-cuddles before making unsolicited strokings of my beard!
It was like the Black Books episode Manny Come Home with Omid Djalili fingering the facial foliage of Bill Bailey!
Except he didn't put me in a dress to model for Big & Beardy.
Still, apart from the unfortunate incident of the ignorant texting shover passer thieving our seat of getting girly slapped and thwown to the fwoor vewy woughly (whilst maintaining a Dignitas silence and continuing to text without noticing the slapping and the tumbling to the ground).
A nice clean floor, as no-one can afford the drinks, so no spillage!
Still, a fine time was had by all.
A very fine time!
And instead of Londinium shoppage, we headed back early. So now I'm free the the one million and seven events that are planned for tonight... if I gets enough sleepies in...
Riverside, Motherfukka!
