Yet another mad Bruce has a fantastic idea and only gone and converted a scooter into an
Alas, the driving of modified scooters with handy beer coolbox is frowned upon by them there policeymen, and he got given a Brucie Bonus of a 10 month driving ban.
Which has to be better than being given a Brucie Boner.
Or not, if you're a lady who likes a bit of celebrititty geriatric sausaging with your strictdisciplinely cum horizontal dancing. Nice to seed you, to seed you, nice! Here they are, their clothes revealing, come on Dollies, start your peeling (off of the skimpy outfits and waggling your funbags at the audience). Nothing for a pair, not in this g... Phwoar! I'll give that norkage 10/10!. Tonight's the night, if the prozzies price is right!
And so on.
I think I'll nip down the Castle Mall, and hire one of them Mobility Scooters. Slap a coolbox on the back filled with Jaques, Scrumpy Jack and Old Felchers Gusset Sucker, and it's off booze cruisin'!
And if The Rozzers try and do me for being Under The Influenza, well, they can't pick on The Disabled, can they! That would be discrimination!
But Xym - you're not disabled. You're just mentally unstable and preposterously lecherous², that's not disabled!
Ah, you're forgetting my troll-like visage and Elephant Man physique! Any judiciary based adjudicators of justice would take one look at me and flee in terror, screaming such phraseology as "Aaaarrrggh! It's the chimeran love-child of John Joseph Merrick and Michael 'Pluto' Berryman out of Hills Have Eyes come to eat my face off! I'd be off my tits on coider if I had to face THAT in the mirror every morning! Case dismissed!"
I'm in mah CripMobile wit' da cider cure fo' cancer, and youse can't do nuffink coz I's disableds, innit blud!
¹ BLOG NOT IN UPSIDEY DOWN AUSTRALIAN THIS TIME, AS NO-ONE REMEMBERS TO CTRL+ALT+↓ and CTRL+ALT+↑ AND WRECK THEIR NECK CRANING ALL UPSIDEY DOWN TRYING TO READ IT. NOT THAY ANYONE EVER ACTUALLY READS THIS BOLLOCKS!
² I BET SHE LIKES THINGS IN CIDER. IN CIDER? INSIDE HER? NO? WELL, PLEASE YOURSELF THEN! AND WHEN YOU'VE FINISHED PLEASING YOURSELF, PLEASE WIPE YOUR LOVEJUICE UP AFTER. THANKS.
