FECK!
I bailed from me day out at Thorpe Park in favour of seeing a movie with my bestest, bestest chums and the chance of actually talking to a Pretty (for although never having been, Thorpe Park is always there - me actually being in a position to be able to speak to a Pretty on the other hand: rarer than rare. Virtually Nil, in fact). Theme Park vs Movie & Pretties - no contest!
ARSE!
Bums on seats. Did I get to sit next to the Pretty and manage to strike up a conversation? Hah! Married Pretty's Husband was too desperate for that spot!
DRINK!
Yay, movies finishes - let's go for a drink, and I can actually talk to the Pretty in a place where you can talk to people! Hah! Who wants to drink with a fat old sloth? No-one, that's who! In fact, Married Pretty's Husband is so threatened that I may intrude on his attempts to bag himself an extra portion of Pretty that I'm forbidden to walk home* alone, bundled into a car and taken to bag myself a portion of chips.
GIRLS!
I tell you, The Fates have really got it in for me! I've given up any hope of talking to a Pretty now, since any attempt is thwarted left, right and centre! Nor can I compete with married males with an adulterous glint in their eye. Oh well, c'est la mort.
NUNS!
Original: Cop in hostage situation shoots the kidnapper... but it's the reflection he shoots, so the kidnapper kills the hostage. Cop demoted, loses his job and confidence and becomes a Store Detective. Ghostly going on in Mirrors reveal the fact that in the fire, the woman who died wasn't killed in the fire - she was killed by Management when she uncovered Certain Information and her body hidden behind a mirror. Cop regains his confidence, finds himself able to handle a gun again, brings the Killer to justice, Ghosty gets revenge, but the cop gets drawn into the Mirrorworld. Bit slow, but pretty good.
Remake: Cop shoots a man and becomes a night watchman. Ghostly goings on in mirrors reveal a hidden hospital in the basement**. Then it's a possessed nun, exploding out of her clothes (a dirty habit indeed!), and then it's a killer nun on the rampage until a brink falls on her bonce. And the cop ends up in the Mirrorworld. Dreadful.
And not a sign of Mr Susan - or taki driving skellingtons taking punters to Monkey Hell.
Look at them shine...
* FOR I'D WALKED IT, ON THE OFFCHANCE WE'D GO FOR A DRINK OR DOWN THE WHATACUNT AFTERWARDS. OH, FOOLISH, FAT, FELLOW ME!
** HIDDEN WITH A HUGE SIGN IN THE BASEMENT WITH AN ARROW POINTING TO THE PSYCHIATRIC WARD... THIS SAME ARROW SOMEHOW ALSO INDICATING YOU NEED TO TEAR DOWN A SOLID STONE WALL WITH YOUR BARE HANDS TO GET TO IT. AS YOU DO.
