Oh, how fickle a little cash makes someone!
Take Norbert Rogers. Years spent on the road with his closest chums, but as soon as Uncle Albert dies and leaves him a fortune... and promptly dumps all his mates in favour of high livin'!
He moves into a many roomed mansion - but clearly being closeted with his closest compadres has fostered some resentment, for he doesn't even let them move in! Stuff you lot, be Romany types on the road, me and my dawg are in The Big House now!
And what about the fate of his chums?
Scrappy is flogged off to some Guy as a present for his wife as a pervy paedopuppy present (hubby promptly files for Divorce on the grounds of a really annoying dog... which is no way to talk about Madge).
Then there's Ms Dinkley. Sat in a bungalow knitting sweaters and wishing she's gone to specsavers as a swarm of pussies cover her spinstery frame. Then she wakes from her sapphic dreams and is in a room riddles with cats.
And as for Mr Jones and Ms Blake - having the camper van all to themselves, they took the Mystery Machine on a real adventure. Instead of touring haunted holiday parks, they're investigating car parks and forestry on the Dogging trail. Not to mention lay by's (Daphne and Fred both swung both ways and got a lot of bisexuals laid).
Now wonder Norbert didn't want them in his mansion! They'd be hosting swinging parties left, right and centre! And poor old Norbert having such a nickname... still, if The Fuzz* arrives, at least he can croon "It wasn't me" and try to pass himself off as his inconprehensible namesake.
Still, with Shaggy arrested for Bestiality, and Fred & Daphne done for sexual deviancy, everyone overlooks the criminal Madamé at the heart if it all...
VELMA DINKLEY!
Ever thought Fred and Daphne were a couple? Noooo - take a good long look at Velma... then look at Rose West. Velma... Rose....Velma.... Rose...
It's the same person, right down to the specs! Clearly, Norbert & Scoob were sucked in (off?) by Fred and 'Rose'. A-ha! Seems to me that 'Rose' got Fred to get Daphne to lodge with them. Ever wondered why Shaggy & Scooby are sent off to the basement whilst Fred & Daphne search upstairs? It's so Fred can get Daphne to check out his ghoulies whilst Rose/Velma makes notes in the airing cupboard before joining in the rapeage!!
The perfect crime! Bury your victims at a crime site that will never be investigated!
"Bah! I would have gotten away with it, if it wasn't for you pesky kids"
"Mwah ha ha ha! And the police won't be looking for any bodies, as the criminal is arrested for scaring people off to reap the booty from the mine! Us pesky kids have gotten away with it!"
Oh, if only the police had dug deeper on every case, there'd be no Cromwell Street, No Daphne under the BBQ, no Dead Fred, and Velma wouldn't be in priz.
Jinkies!
* AS IN POLICE, NOT LADYGARDEN.
