I always thought The Family Movie was a filum for all the family to enjoy.
And at 6pm, one would not expect such family fare to consist of flesh eating lizardy types, with Big Sister wanting to nob her younger brother!
And just as bad was that Mary Pawprints. I saw the first hour before incest laden monster movie came on. What an Evil Bitch she is!
First of all, there's all these out of work nannies, all a-queueing to vie for the position of Nanny to two irritating brats. Now, instead of letting anyone have a fair chance, Mary decides to whip up a gale force storm, and blow off all the other Nannies (f'narr f'narr!).
So all these poverty stricken, out of work women are cast into the sky, presumably to be dropped into a pile of broken bones and an untimely death. For the survivors... well, being 1910, they probably died from having their broken limbs amputated, or were forced into business as parapalegic prostitutes.
So much for her being all lovely and nice!
Then she turns into a right old arrogant bullying battleaxe! That's hardly the attitude to go into an interview with!
"Right, I'm here. Fuck references - they're crap anyways (and might give away the fact that I mutilate other job applicants seeking the same role). Basically, I'm fucking great, and I'll give your job a go and see if you're any good as a boss. Now fuck off, coz I'm off to me desk to start work."
Oooooh, get her!
Then, the cheeky arse wench can't be arsed to walk upstairs. Oh no, It's climb aboard the Stannah Stairlift to the top - leaving poor dear little white haired kindly old grandmother to come out of the Piano Room and be stranded at the base of the staircase. Looking longingly at the stairlift so high out of reach, and no TENA lady being invented yet.
Meanwhile, Evil Bitch gets the kids into the bedroom.
"So, children, You wanted to play games, did you not?"
"Oooh, yes please Mary Pawprints"
"Well, fuckin' tidy yer room you little shits"
"I told you she was tricky"
"Nah, it's a fuckin' game, innit, coz you sing a load of bollocks about sugar and medicine, and that makes tidying your room a game"
"Are you sure"
"La la la. Can't hear you! A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down! La la la..."
And then she gets even eviller!
Spit spot! Off to the park... to be harassed by some pavement painting paedophile who wants to get up chimneys where they usually shove small boys.
Or something.
Anyhoo, by this point, she's drugged them up well and good, as they start hallucinating about being in the paedos pastel pictures with piss poor singing aminals. Then they come to, and it's pissing down! There's she with her parasol, and she makes the children walk behind getting soaked to the skin!
Evil cow!
And then the even dodgier bit comes in...
She gets them back into the bedroom, and starts feeding them 'medicine' on the pretext that "if your feet get wet, you have to have some medicine". Hmmmmmm... sounds a bit iffy to me! Especially as the 'medicine' doesn't come with the 'spoonful of sugar' she keeps insisting needs to be taken with legitimate medicine.
And just what is this medicine? To the poor, young, naive kiddiwinks with innocence in their eyes and lemonade on their lips, it's lime or strawberry cardial. Ah, but then she lets slip what an adult would recognise this 'medicine' as - Rum punch, no less!!!
So, she's spooning alchocol into these kids, and passing it off as medicine! No doubt that the 'spoonful of sugar' is a teaspoon of Rhohypnol to ensure you're victim 'goes down' with no recollection of the event!
Want more proof? Well, you can now buy these detectors that detect if there is any 'funny stuff' spiking yer drinks, and your drink changes colour to let you know. And lo and behold - Mary's 'medicine' changes color on contact with the spoons!!
It's a good job I turned over to watch the flesh eating monsters and incest board game movie at that point! Evil, evil strumpet! Add Mary Pawprints to the canon of female paedophiles, along with Myra and Rose.
Even more worrying is that 'Bert' went on to become a doctor in Diagnosis Murder, and hid his authentic cockney accent behind an American drawl, so as to divert attention from his rhohypnol rapeage and have access to a plentiful supply of date rape druggery. Oh, the conflict of interest when Mary applies to be a kinky nurse, and slaughters all the student nursies just to get a job near the Childrens Ward.
Aaaoooooooww It's a jolly 'oliday with Mary's behind bars...
