Move over Dreamytime Escorts, for Xymon’s taking over! Admittedly, it’s currently in it’s infancy, for the chivalrous escorting home of lovely ladies from public houses to ensure safe return to their domicile is quite popular.
It’s a far cry from the hiring-for-a-bunk-up-whilst-hubbies-away-on-business model, but you have to start somewhere! But my fledgling service is quite essential, for there are plenty of dangers a young lady can face when walking home alone...
...such as foliage attack!
This appears to be a problem at the Dereham Road/Sweet Briar roundabout, for there are plentiful notices advising to beware of heavy plant crossing.
Once again, I need help to get my head round this, for what pops into YOUR head when you are warned of such things?
A gargantuan triffid, lumbering over the roundabout, slapping you about the face with it’s tongue and knocking it’s bollocks on it’s trunk?
Led Zeppelin, stuffed with pies traipsing over the roundabout.
Rhône Poulenc sprouting limbs and the whole power ’plant’ hob-nobbing off to The Willows?
Well, the third one wouldn’t surprise me after what I’ve heard about what goes on in there! I used to know a whistleblower. In truth, I know loads, coz blowing a whistle ain’t difficult, so I don’t see why there’s a fuss about them (apart from those having a mini rave and giving it large on the whistle and waking up the neighbors).
But vexation upon vexation - what plant is so very heavy, and how can it be crossing... unless it’s a cannabis plant! That’s it! It’s probably a consignment of very hard drugs (really heavy man...)
Look out for trucks marked FRAGILE (being Transvalian for Very Hard Drugs).
I’m off to catch, catch, my horror taxi...
