Now, it makes perfect sense to ban the selling of glue and knives to youngsters, as they spend so much time sniffing glue and playing Manhunt on their PS2, that they go out and slice up all their mates.
Luckily, they’re all stocked up on glue, so a bit of the old copydex on their wounds, and they’re all fixed up without the need for sutures. Then they’re off to copy Dex again, and relive the whole cycle in some Ice Cream Van/Skating rink escapade.
But lo, the feral scum have a new weapon amongst their armoury, and the local populace have had to ban the sale of Caister Ketchup.
’twould seem that they’re high on The Goodies, and are re-enacting the Bunfight at the OK tea rooms.
Blood flows (or at least, some Heinz Red) through the magnificent Caister Hall as the rampage goes on.
Thank God that the Olympic torch didn’t go through caister, as it would be extinguished throush a surfeit of sauce.
Olympic torch indeed! Everyone’s got it in for the chinese coz the Daily Llama’s not permitted to go to Ladbrookes, and Blue Peter Presenters being mobbed, just coz they carry a torch. Dunno what all the fuss is about - you can pick a couple up in Poundland for a quid ! Torches, that it, not Blue Peter presenters*.
Although I wouldn’t mind spending a fiver on Konnie Huq, Katie Hill, Janet Ellis, Yvette Fielding and Caron Keating for a "Blue" Peter session in the drawing room.
Although, it may niff a bit, what with Caron being dead. Oh well, a bit of febreze should shift that!
Which reminds me - there’s another ludicrous advert for home fragrancing, to rid the room of the fug of fannyfumes. There’s Dad, Brat and Mum on the sofa, all crosslegged, and the voice over goes "Does your room smell of fish" - and both Dad and Brat give accusing looks to Mum. A squirt of Air Freshener later, and the smell’s gone, and mum’s all legs spread wide, without a care in the world, for her minging minge no longer whiffs like last weeks kippers.
Or something...
* "EDDIE, ARE YOU CARRYING A TORCH FOR HER?"
"NO, IT’S JUST THE WAY MY TROUSER RUCK UP"
