Ah yes, 'tis a great day to be English, for today we celebrate ole Georgie Porgy snogging some right old dragon before having it away on his toes and fleeing the horrendous harridan.
However, I take exception to this celebration of dragon slaughterage, for it's the medievil equivalent of fox hunting! Sir Shagalot would flush out the behemoth by getting the horn from driving lusty virgins before his steed. Although, unlike the hounds, the virgins never got to tear poor Draco to bits - it was left up to Lance and his oversized weapon.
The WWF would have a field day if they were around back then! Decimating dragons into extinction - Hulk Hogan wouldn't put up with that today, I can tell you! Still, at least these plague ridden peasants had the foresight to try and keep the Unicorn alive, although they didn't half fuck up.
I mean, honestly, the Unicorn is more horse than anything, so why the hell didn't they try crossbreeding with other horses? We could have the beauty of golden horned hoofbeats thrumming across our green and pleasant land, sending the ladies into quivering orgasmic spasms at the very sight.
But noooooo, they had to get them to nob bloody hippos. Hippos for fucks sake! And what are we left with? The bloody Rhino. From the sleek, muscular stallion with it's gleaming horn, to some dumpy squat frump with a filthy horn.
I reckon we should start getting the chavscum to start having relations with octopii & squids, so we can breed some Oods to make the tea and hoover up. Then again, that'd make X-Factor worse, with chavvy, talentless Oods auditioning and telepathically bellowing in yer bonce so you can't even turn the telly volume down to escape.
Cephalopod sex - the new UrotsukidÅji...
