Beware! Reichstag roasting revolutionary rodents be on the prowl!!!
But this is no mere Pyro(dent)maniacs Proletariat People’s Poet, bewailing the conversion of their boudoir into a Roller Disco. No, it be Sciuridæ, rebelling against bourgoisie toffs.
The gray squirrel is tossing his nuts aside, and taking up lighter fluid and petrol bombs!
In his now legendary “Rivers Of Blood” speech Squirrel Nutkin was blacklisted for his views on The Race Issue, and the immigration of foreign Gray Squirrels to our shores. Naturally, Peter Rabbit, Benjamin Bunny, Jemima Puddle-Duck & Johnny Townmouse all thought he was a bit of a racist, and gave him a good kicking.
And as no woman can resist a politician, Mrs. Tug-His-Winkle comforted him later but was caught up in a later scandal (involving treehouses of ill repute, where winkle tugging in exchange for nut vouchers was all the rage amongst political perverts).
Anyhoo, time proved him right, and England was overrun with the gray menace, and to keep numbers down, the Lords and Ladies of England came up with a unique proposition to quell the tide.
"Save a red, eat a gray!”
And as squirrel surprise in now a staple of the upper class diet (along with bigfoot noses, owl beaks and kangaroo cocks), the Grays have formed a resistance party, and are torching out Kentish scoffers of squirrels! Probably in the hope of barbequing a Baron and dining upon his flesh, as he once feasten on their brethren.
Their first victim was Lord Mayhew, whose two-storey cottage in Goudhurst, near Cranbrook was arsonised by the little devils lurking behind an airing cupboard.
I was going to have a duck-based chinese tonight… I daren’t now, in case the water resistant tasty treat swims up the plumbing and pecks me to death in the night!
Nature bites back indeed…
