Who, has to stand up when she plays the piano. Presumably due to some obscure medical condition whereby a pearl being all a-swinging about the nethers can cause some discomfort when tinkling upon the ivories in a seated position.
Good job she didn't have a 12in pianist!
But what was this piano piece being played at the time? Only Wagner's now legendary long lost first attempt at Der Ring Des Niberlungen: The Lovecircle Dance of the Ladyoyster.
Originally a satirical piece about man's inability to locate the elusive Ladyoyster, let alone the Ladypearl ("and the least said about Pearl Jam, the better!" spaketh Jeremy in class today), it concerned the HP Saucy tales of Philip Eno, brother of Brian, a Pearl Diver who can hold his breath for a very long time, and goes on a quest to find the ladypearl amongst the Water Nymphos.
When presented to Adolf Hitler, although he liked the choral section entitled Confessions of Mr Sulu in the Archipelagoes, it wasn't mystical enough for his tastes, and it didn't sound all that menacing when it came out of the hidden speakers in his chopper.
And so, the pearl diver became a dwarf searching for the gold amongst the water nymphs so he could forge it into a cock ring. Or something.
Tchaikovski was rather taken with the original pervy piece, that he teamed up with Wagner to re-develop Lovecircle Dance of the Ladyoyster into Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy, about a ball busting harridan nicknamed The Nut Cracker. Hitler, however, vastly insulted, already having one nut cracked and placed upon display in the Albert Hall. It also struck fear into his very heart at the thought of the loss of his one remaining knacker.
Tchaikovski wussed out and rewrote the music for a more toylike appeal, but Wagner simply renamed it Ride of the Valkyries and hey presto! When this comes out of a chopper, Charlie ran in fear of lovespud destruction from goddamn sexual tyrannosaurus's of "The Body" persuasion.
Don't touch me...
