The trouble with having The Plumber in for a week, is you have to have a week off work.
And you can't stand over them all day, ferrying cups of tea about!
So, that leaves you with staple diet of ChavScum TV!
Clearly, I must live in some parallel universe. Not being not the most visually appealing to LadyFolk, I'm at a loss to as how I'm passed over by Pretties, when you see the vast, loathsome shoggoths that befould Jeremy Jyle's studio!
Seems to be an endless parade of gene pool, nay, Gene Barrel and the scrapeage thereof!
There's horrendous harridans, lank of locks, wide of waist, foul of a mouth of limited toothipegs, all braying for DNA and lie detector tests, with a queue of violent thugs all wanting to be with it!
There's bloated walrus's, greasy haired, inebriated about the chops, back end bus faced male munter shagabouts, with an array of pretties fighting over them!
I reckon it's all down to Paula Abdul and her December 1989 hit single "Opposites Attract". Now, in the video, it's all about a woman fancying pussy*. Or at least, a songwriter dancing with cats.
Unfortunately, this 'celebration' of mingers copping off with numerous partners lead to divorce. Shortly after the single release, a certain songwriter with accentuated Ugly who boffed a dancing Pretty from Cats ended their 6 year marriage. And then pulled another bird and got married the next year!
Seems to me, not just to get on Jeremy Kyle, but if you want a string of lovers, all who want to fight just to be with you, you have to be a munter from Hell! Forget Pussycat Dolls - it's Pussyflap Trolls they want these days!
Clearly, although no oil-painting meself, I'm still not visually unpleasant enough to pull! Need to catch Serious Ugly to get a girlfriend, methinks!
Face lift? Wonder if I can get a face drop...
* WHICH IS CONFUSING, AS ABDUL TENDS TO BE AN ARABIAN NAME, WHICH MEANS IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN A GOAT. OR, WITH THEIR OIL FIELD FORTUNES, 1001 LADYBOY KNIGHTS. OR SOMETHING.
