..to punch each others lights out!
Yes, It's Boxing Day - the day The Christians celebrate the Almighty's punch-up with Judy and the formation of their cut-price ship merchandising.
As anyone how knows anything about religion knows, The Bible is missing a whole lot of stuff about Jesus. Certain gospels weren't included, and certain bits of the current gospels were taken out & re-edited, as they made Jesus look like a bit of a tit.
I'm not going to delve into the various arguments over what are now called The Heretic Texts, but it's from these we can glean the purpose of Boxing Day.
According to the original gospels, Jesus had had a bit too much to drink on his 18th birthday, and the next morning had a hangover from Hell. Being a bit amnesiastic about the previous evenings events, he got it into his head that Judas (always a bit of a sneak) had gotten off with his bird.
Judas retorted that Jesus was suffering from "Brewers Droop" and that Mary was a prossie anyways, so it made no odds. Jesus, however, was a bit of a hothead, and called Iscariot out.
Judas retorted with the accusation of Jesus being a "fisher of men", and if he was fishing for men, then he was a Palestinian poof, and wouldn't last five minutes in the ring with a real man. But not in his ring, just so Christ didn't get any ideas.
So, a square was hastily drawn out, four pillars at each corner, and ropes strung around the outside. Thomas was a bit doubtful of resolving the argument with a fight, but suggested a forfeit. Both being fishermen, If Jesus lost, being a carpenter, he's have to provide cheap lumber for the fishing boats. Judas, involved in canvas (and probably dressmaking, being a closet queen), would have to provide cheap sails for the fishing boats.
Typically, Peter Simon already had his fishing vessel, but needed a new sail (having recently watched The Goonies, and split it trying to recreate Sloth dropping down the sail with a dagger), so mid-fight, he tripped up Judas, Jesus punched his lights out and won the bet, and everyone rushed off to bag a bargain on the sails.
And Judas was really pissed off at the cheating git, and waited for the opportune moment to wreak his revenge.. which came along when Ciaphas asked Judas to dob in The Christ for 30 pieces of silver. Judas was so pleased with this scheme, he threw in a lifetime's supply of sails (which the Pharisees lost out on when Judas topped himself - he was, after all, ever such an untrustworthy sneaky git).
Of course, The Vatican later edited out the fight, and the wager, and the whole argy-bargy, so only students of theology know why we celebrate Boxing Day and the Xmas "sales".
No one else does!
Aha! I hear you say! As no-one knows what Boxing Day actually is, Xym could make something ludicrous up, and no-one would be any the wiser!
But I won't do that to you, dear reader, as my blog is a serious thing, not to be taken lightly, with a reputation to maintain.
The truth is out there, and it comes in here.
