That gnome of stamp removal has been at it again, but this time he's playing switcheroo with my DVD special features.
Wary that I know of his existence, he's not actually snaffled the discs, but took them to his toadstooly hideaway and mucked about with them in his elven editing suite.
How else can anyone explain the new wave of "Deleted Scenes" on my DVDs?
DVDs used to have this feature, and you'd watch a film, then watch the deleted scenes. Now, these scenes may have been shite, or cut down for time, but at least you got to see all the bits that made up the movie and added more plot/content and filled in some plot holes.
No so now - the boggart has buggered about with 'em. A "Deleted Scene" now appears to be an undeleted scene. In fact, it's invariably identical to the one in the film, except perhaps one sentence was cut!!
And it's really annoying watching 5 mins of the same footage, only to discover that the word Bum was acutally recorded as Arse, but changed in the edit.
I reckon that goblin is keeping all the Deleted Scenes for himself, and replacing them with undeleted scenes as a pure anoyance to the mortal world.
And suchlike.
And talking of special features on DVD - how come Scene Access and Interative Menu are now listed as special features? They're not! They're part of the bog standard offering of every bloody DVD going! Put a DVD in - get a menu, select Play All or Chapter Selection. How is that a Special Feature?
Not only that, the DVD Imp adds loads of crap to piss you off on the Main Feature disc.
The first clue is that he's reburnt the CD - sometimes he forgets to put the phrase "Disc One", etc on the presing, so you never know which is which... and always end up putting on Disc 2 first.
When you finally get Disc 1 and pop it in... the SKIP and MENU function are deactivated whilst the following plays:
1. An string of video distribution animatics
2. A screen where you have to select your country
3. The "You wouldn't steal a car" advert
4. Several screens advising you not to fuck about with the DVD. In several languages
5. A sequence of adverts for films totaly unrealated to the movie.On the plus side, SKIP is now active, but you still can't get to the Menu until you've skipped passed all the ads.
6. You select PLAY MOVIE... up pops numerous disclaimers, about how the production company aren't responsible for the content in the commentaries (even though you ain't gonna listen to them).
7. Animatics for the sound company (Dolby or THX)
8. The Production company animatic
9. And finally the movie starts... but coz you've been making a cup of tea due to the endless waiting, you've missed the first 5 mins so have to return to the start of the movie and view the opening logos all over again.
And by the time you are finally settled to watch the movie (which would be half way through if not for all that preamble), the phone rings, or you have to go out, or something.
And when you DO get to the end of the film, you skip through the credits to watch the bonus ending clip (that you didn't stay for in the cinema, but everyone else appeared to). More often that not, there ain't one... but then it seagues into another set of foreign language warnings about copyright, and STOP and MENU and SKIP are disabled, so you have to switch it off.
And how come, even when you select country as Great Britain, Language as English, do you still have to view all these warnings in arabic and Danish and Sanskrit? Surely, being in Britain, with English language switched on, I shouldn't have to sit through screen after screen of foreign warnings...
UNLESS there's a clause I should be aware of, and I need to learn Mandarin, German and Sumerian to ensure I'm fully compliant of all the regulations (as Ignorance Is Not An Excuse, apparently). I'll get my collar felt by the rozzers for ripping my DVDs to my iPod because there's a clause on the Ukraine page saying I can't coz I'll get banged up with Mr Big in the showers for the passing of soap request.
I dread to think how many compulsary screens are on these discs, as they hold a lot more info.
Which I doubt, seeing as they haven't got enough room to spell Blue-Ray correctly.
And don't get me started on why we don't call DVD Red-Ray...
