Encircling Alpha Aquilæ four in with tongue forged from eloquence!
What's that? Danger, Will Robinson? High Voltage! I ain't snogging no blokey robot - especially not one with a glowing perspex knackersack!!
And what does this Future bring?
Table strappage and medievil Holy Land shennanigans, that's what! Trying to rid Hairy Ticks of their prescient 1960s cult spy based religion. Apparently, some Nostradamussy types were fondling some goats entrails when it turned into a futuristic telly!
Of course, being medievil, these peasants did not know what to make of this. All they saw was some mystical picture box showing moving picures of The Saint. Quickly, the mystics created the Simon Templar Society.
And so were The Templars born, off looking for Draakh plague cures, nicking the Holy Grail off've King Arfur, lifting the Arc of the Coverlet off've Harrison Ford, and bunging the lot in Rosslyn Chapel. And making secret codes and maps and pointy statues to show where they're hidden.
And they were the Social Services of the day as well. Bloody Judas Iscariot rung up their childline anonymously*, claiming that Jesus said he heard the voice of God. As Peter Sutcliffe heard the same thing and became Jack The Northern Ripper, The Templars got a court order against Jesus & Mary Christ, and their babby placed into a foster family called Merry-Fingering.
Who weren't pædos at all, despite their fondness of molesting hobbitses with their delicate digits, like some biblical Mr Tickle. And I don't mean Jon.
Ooo-arr, jurst a lirrul bit mowah...
* ON A PREMIUM RATE 0890 LINE. STILL, AT LEAST HE GOT TO SPEND 30 PIECES OF SILVER ON THE HOME ALONE MUSLIM MILF WANTS HER MOSQUE FILLED CHATLINE IN THE BACK PAGES OF JIZ MAGAZINE...
