They're great these top-secret Nevadary Area-51* type bases and the security around them.
Seems that if you mistake a space shuttle for a UFO and clamber within, when The Forces arrive, you can stand by the Great Big Hole In The Side and not be seen at all!!
Naturally, you don't want to be nabbed by the Men in Black, so you Make Good Your Escape - across an empty field of debris and still cannot be seen!! And to get out of The Complex, you hide in the back of a truck.
And lying on the floor of the truck once again renders you invisible to soldierescent types as they plonk dead astronauts on top of you. This means that when in transit, once you toss off the spaceblokes, you are rendered inoperative in any sort of tarpaulin lifatage to free yourself from the confines of the jeep.
And naturally, once taken deep into The Facility, these G.I. Jerks remove the space explorators, and still can't see you!!
But, being a journalist, you have to investigate and escape (despite an 8ft giant spider on the prowl, all 58 levels of The Hive are guarded by Evil Man In Black, Hero Man In Black, Token Black Guard, and three gung-ho guards).
But being a Lady Journo, and faced with a alien-arachnid hybrid, you do the only decent thing...
Divest your upper garments!
A-ha! Stairs! I must remove my jacket and throw it to the floor! A-ha! A giant web, I must remove my blouse! Oh, dammit, I'm in a flimsy white vest top. Oooh, a pool of watery chemicals! I simply must dive in to escape the tarantula teeths... oh, lordy, I'm all wet and transparently topped...
Hurrah! Here comes Hero Man In Black! Phwoar, cop a load of Miss Wet T-Shirt! I must tear off my black jacket and tie! Good grief - a slight cut on her arm! I must rip off my shirt to bind her slight graze! Oh, damn! Look as us in our vests... get a load of me honey!
No time for nookie - for the Evil Man In Black has met his inevitable doom against his mother-in-law! Escapery and elevator arachnid crushment!
But what's this - get back to the paper, and lo and behold! Evil Man In Black has made his inevitable return to change into a 20ft tall arachnid with King Kong apprehensions (and the ability to make shieking trollops stop running and sit down to await their doom, as well as causing drivers to not drive away - but to srive in the general direction of the beastie for A-Team overturnment)!
Ah, sod it! Dangle Bird In A Vest from your chopper and blow it away!
I reckon they should invest in more security staff - 6 people to manage 58 underground floors of mutant space monsters is somewhat lax. Oh, I forgot the three staff (The two docs who freezes at the sight of a spider before getting et, and The LadyDoc who screams a lot, runs a bit, then gets et).
No wonder the American Government deny it's existence!
* WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP CALLING IT AREA 51, WHEN IT'S ACTUALLY AREA S1 - BESIDES, ALL THE SPACE MONSTERS WERE MOVED TO AREA S4 IN 1997.
